True Love.

I do realise that this blog has swayed off of the whole 'spiritual' aspect, and more into a personal one.

Love is a funny feeling. No, love is not a feeling- sadness is a feeling, happiness is a feeling, anger is a feeling- love is more than that. Love is sacred and special. Love is a way of life.

I sat down with my Wife today, face-to-face for the first time in 6 weeks, to be told that we would no longer be in a relationship. She wanted out. And, that hurt. Initially, it hurt to think that she did not want to be with me anymore, especially considering I had done no wrong by her. But, as I sit here with the reality setting in, I realise what it is that makes this so painful.

Even after having your heart torn out, spat on and set on fire by the one you love, that love does not diminish. At this point in time, I love Melodie more than ever. And that love is going nowhere. she will not receive it.

I miss her so badly. I love her so intensely. When will I wake up from this crazy nightmare?

en·dur·ance

/ɛnˈdʊərəns, -ˈdyʊər-/ Show Spelled[en-door-uhns, -dyoor-] Show IPA
–noun

1. the fact or power of enduring or bearing pain, hardships, etc.

2. the ability or strength to continue or last, esp. despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions; stamina: He has amazing physical endurance.

3. lasting quality; duration: His friendships have little endurance.

4. something endured, as a hardship; trial.


There is a reason why professional athletes continue to train in their off-season. There's a reason why the soul needs to be fed its spiritual goodness. There's a reason why Husband and Wife should continue to be faithful, open and honest.


It comes as no surprise to some, but a huge surprise to me, that my Wife has opted out of the marriage. For reasons that I cannot come to understand, and probably never will. It causes deep pain within me to imagine the amount of discomfort she obviously feels within our once loving relationship.

I have never been through such struggles that has physically caused my knees to buckle, and to come crashing to the ground in literal fits of sobbing.
The sight of any couple walking down the street hand-in-hand, or eating at a restaurant, or driving down the simple has never been so heart wrenching.
Normally, I'm looking at them and comparing Mel and I and thinking there is no way that couple shares the same amount of love as we do.

How wrong I was...

I sit here typing this blog with tears streaming down my cheeks, splashing onto the bed that my Wife and I once shared, trying to figure out if this is reality, or just some sick, twisted dream- nothing but the saddest of songs playing from my iTunes. And then, almost as to pry in the final dagger, the song that my Wife sang for me at our wedding begins to blind me from the insurmountable tears that are fighting their way out. Just let it out, Mike... Let them come...

...

Moments pass, and I don't feel any better. In fact, it hasn't changed one thing. I'm still going to sleep tonight, and waking up alone. No one to comfort me, no one to say "It's going to be ok!" Just me and my Heavenly Father. And, I remind my self that that is OK. That, the one person who will never turn his back on me, no matter what, is still here to listen to me.

Melodie has given up. She's given up on me, she has given up on our marriage and she's given up on herself to allow herself the opportunity to love me again.
Just like that.


I remember when I first met Melodie. She was more to me than anyone had ever been. We didn't know how we were going to make it work- we just knew that we would. And we prevailed. Melodie moved to Sydney. We were in love. We planned a wedding. We had the most beautiful ceremony.

I remember talking to her about our future- about both of us going back to school, about children and our children's names. What kind of jobs we'd have, where we'd most like to go with each other. What we'd turn out like in our 50's, 60's, 70's etc. All those hopes and dreams- torn away in less than a heart beat. The final dagger through the heart- "I am not in love with you anymore".

And with that said, the chapter closes. She reassured me that there was absolutely NOTHING I could do to change how she felt. I could not change me, I could not change the situation, I could not talk with her or try to work it out, even though I was willing to go 100%, even if it meant starting all over again. Melodie obviously found it more convenient to just sever the relationship at the roots. Chop down the tree so it comes crashing to the ground and tear the roots up and burn them to a crisp. No seeds to recreate what once was so majestic and beautiful.

There is an infinite of pain and hurt running through my veins this very second. Disappointment. Betrayal. But, within it all, there is no anger. There is no hate. There is only love still deep in my soul for the Woman who I thought would be at my side until my final breath on this Earth, and then to share eternity with in the Celestial Kingdom.

I've come to realise that the only thing I'm guilty of is opening my heart and sharing it at its fullest. I felt comfortable and secure enough to do that. I felt the love and passion. Is that a scary thing for someone to accept? Is it so devastatingly frightening that you can be loved that you pull yourself out from it completely?




Through all of this, I have to continue to look at the positives I have out of this.
-I have some amazing memories of visiting exciting places and meeting people with Melodie.

-I no longer smoke cigarettes, nor drink alcohol (often)

-I rekindled my relationship with Heavenly Father.

Surely, that is not the reason why I was brought to Melodie. Her purpose was not to show me the way to the Gospel, and then to leave? Surely not!
I mentioned to one of our mutual friends from Sydney that Heavenly Father's plan no longer involved Melodie and I together as a married couple.
He said that was preposterous and that Heavenly Father always wants married couples to stay together.



My future looks dark and lonely. I am lost, and I am sincerely afraid. But, I must dig deep and find that endurance. I have to accept what has happened whether I like it or not. Melodie and I are no longer in a loving relationship, I must move on.

But, then, I think... I dedicated my life to that Woman. That one woman. Even though I was not yet a member, I vowed to her, before Heavenly Father, that I would always be there for her, no matter what. I made a binding contract what she was my Wife and she would be until forever. Melodie isn't holding her end of the bargain. Does that mean I just move on to the next girl I hit it off? God forbid, I hate to even think about this but, if Melodie were killed in an accident, I would not bring myself to even look at another woman. I'm sure of it. The last memory I would have was being in a loving relationship with the one Woman I trusted whole-heartedly.
And I still feel the same way. I look at other women (short, tall, fat, thin, white, black, asian, gorgeous, or not...) and I cannot see myself laughing with them, shopping with them, sitting at home on the couch with them, sleeping with them, or being married to them.

I think my heart is destined to bottle up its love and to release my passion into my professional work or other areas of my life.

These times are so confusing and so self-doubting

I lie here, on her bed, in her house... Alone. I look down and I see a puddle of water on the sheets that has formed over the past hour of typing this crap.

I can see now that I have a long, painful journey to endure. As Melodie would say, "It's not worth dwelling over"...



1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

Retract that last post...

Unless you’ve been through it, you cannot comprehend the heartache it causes when your Significant Other tells you that he / she does not love you as they should.
When hearing that they are giving up, you too begin to sense that feeling of giving up.

I have put Melodie in this position before, though my love ran so deep, even though I threatened to leave- it was never something I knew I could follow through with. The grass never looked greener on the otherside, regardless of the pain that I had experienced. Still, through times like these, the grass on the otherside still has a brown, dying look to it.

However, we all have choices. It is true that we all have the right of free agency, and so I am taking advantage of that right and am putting my whole into this relationship. Some may say that I am setting myself up for a broken heart, or similar. I disagree emphatically. A broken heart would consist of the Woman you love so dearly leaving you, just like that. No chance to reconcile, no chance to make any sense of it. Just, up and gone- that whole feeling of security and having that person by your side, shattered.

The only way to come out of a relationship such as this, is to sincerely open up, be utterly honest and open and to allow the other person to take the time to understand where the other is coming from.

It would be a blatant lie if I said I was never, and never will be afraid, or scared, of being a Husband and Father. There is a lot of responsibility that comes with that title, that privilege- and I am not about to shy away from that responsibility at the first sign of trouble within our relationship.
Much like there is a lot of responsibility with being a Husband, the same would apply to being a Wife (though, I can not speak from experience).
It is a frightening ordeal for to young people to go through, and it is even more frightening to go through it alone as we both have pretty much since 6 weeks after our marriage.



How should a Man love his Wife? How should a Woman love her Husband? Are there any set rules? There are those typical generalizations that a Woman should look after the household (cleanliness, children, meals, etc.) and that a Man should provide the income and the love for his family. Though, Melodie and I are not that ‘typical’ couple. Melodie is very independent and enjoys working in her field of Musical Theater. I too love working in my field of Health & Fitness very much.

I believe the only type of love that one should show, is what comes from their heart. Even if things seemed bleek and miserable on the outside, so long as what was going on on the inside was of pure love, then trials such as these can be overcome.

If Melodie agrees, then I will board that ship on the 22nd with no expectations. No expectations of being together forever, nor of failure. I will be honest, loving, supportive and caring as best as I know how. And, I hope that Melodie will do the same.

Then, and only then, can we say that we gave it our best shot. Until that moment comes when we are both certain it will not work, it is not over!

This, for now, is out of my Hands.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please guide our hearts, our minds and our souls to lead us to each other so that we may work through this as a family- As Husband and Wife. Bless us with the strength, courage, honesty and love to attack this trial. To rebuild the damage of which the Devil has plagued us with. Thou strengths, powers and abilities are of no match for the Devil and his weak ways.

I say these things humbly in the Name of our Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Amen.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Too much absence and the heart will wander.

I’m not the first Man to enter this predicament, and I sure as heck won’t be the last. However, I’m sure each incident contains its own, strange uniqueness.
For those who were lucky enough to be a part of mine and Melodie’s life in our good times, you will have those fond memories of us being together, smiling, laughing and having fun. Those are the images that are permanently etched into my memory.

Your heart aches for someone so badly. You long for them when they’re not near. You pray for them each morning and evening and everything in between. You believe that your love is something so extraordinary that you can go through hell and back, and still maintain that momentum, that motivation, that determination to endure until the end.

I finally arrived in the USA on August 10th, after almost a whole year of being separated due to me having to pursue a visa, we were finally at the final steps. Melodie had been in rehearsals for her upcoming ship contract, which we had both agreed she would do, and I would travel with her as spouse on board.

To me, everything seemed fine, up until a few weeks ago. Communication begun to break down, and when we did talk, there was no enthusiasm or spark. Things were beginning to become bleek.
This is when I turned to Heavenly Father. With sincere prayer and fasting, I was holding onto the belief that given a chance, we would be able to work out our differences that were created throughout the past year.

Unfortunately, Heavenly Father’s plan for the two of us did not involve each other at this stage. At first, I questioned the plan of Heavenly Father, but was quick to retract any questioning. Who am I to question the plan of Heavenly Father?

My heart aches, and the future I envisioned for myself has been crushed, but only momentarily. I know I must remain on this higher spiritual plane. I have to ride this wave as far as it takes me. If I begin to dwell on ‘what could have been…’ I will only cause more stress and heartache within my already fragile heart. I need to place all of my faith in Heavenly Father and continue to strive towards a happy and bright future for myself. As one of the Quorum of the Twelve said during the 180th General Conference- “It takes two people to accomplish tasks. Yourself, and Heavenly Father”.

This ordeal has not damaged my relationship with our Saviour, Jesus Christ, our Heavenly Father, nor the Church as a whole.

I will keep Melodie in my prayers as she, too, struggles with this decision of hers. I have no ill feelings towards my (ex?) Wife. I have always wanted the best for her, and if she feels she is at her best without me, then so be it! That is something I will need to come to terms with and move forward.

It hurts to break such a sacred relationship. I never envisioned Melodie and I growing apart, especially so soon in our relationship. I saw a lot of potential, a lot of fun times and a lot of love over the years. Unfortunately, she saw something different- and it pains me to know that I could not make her happy.

Time to move on to the next chapter…

It will be tough, there is no question in that. I ask for your prayers for Melodie and for myself.

Dear Diary...

I've made it to the USofA! Finally, after much stress and pulling-of-the-hair-out, I am HERE!! Whoop-di-doo!

It doesn't come without its pain and suffering, however. Although, in saying that, there is always a lesson to be learned from the heart-ache, the pain and the suffering.

With a year's long separation from my Wife, there was bound to be some emotional and mental drawbacks between us, as well as within us. I can't speak too much for Melodie, but for myself, I know I haven't been 'me' for the past 12 months. And, after a 1/2 hour long conversation with my Mum, she totally agrees.

I knew something had to be done, and had to be done quick if I were to save 'it all'.

I began with fasting on Wednesday night 8th Sept, 2010. That took me right through until 9:30pm Thursday night. I waited so long because I had set up an appointment with the Bishop of our Ward for a blessing.
This was my first blessing I was ever to receive, and it was something of which I cannot explain.

Bishop Smith took the time to fill me in on how a blessing works, and that the words that are said are not entirely important- to some they are. However, it is the act of the blessing, or the power that is instilled within person being blessed based on his or fer level of faith so to speak.

To say that the blessing was a spiritual moment in my life is an understatement if I've ever heard one before! Bishop Smith placed his hands on my head and he paused, and he waited until the time was right. The moment before he began talking, an overwhelming sense of calm had taken over me. All the emotions and confusion which had ruled my life for so many months seemed to melt away in a heartbeat. There was no holding back as the tears began to stream from my eyes. All of the negativity that was being held onto was being rejected from my mind, body and soul in such a way that I kicked myself for not putting my faith into Heavenly Father and his abilities sooner.

Once the blessing was complete, Bishop sat by me on his desk and I was motionless. I was more confused than ever as to how this simple, yet powerful process could almost instantaneously change my whole perception of EVERYTHING- be it my personal life, my professional life and my married life.

I sat in the car in the carpark of the ward, just, still. As I left the gates to the ward, the tears began flowing again. And, I mean like, pouring. I was sobbing, I couldn't breathe and the tears were beginning to blind my vision which was a little dangerous on the road with an empty stomach!
What was different to these tears, as opposed to the tears I've cried many time over the past 12 months is that these were legitimate tears of pure joy. The feeling of starting fresh and new.

Today was a new day, and I knew the Lord's work was not yet complete. I woke with the spirit surrounding my bed posts. I decided to e-mail my testimony to my Wife and to pray. Today would be another day of fasting. 2 consecutive days. Our proof of what can come of fasting made me excited to sacrifice another 2 meals for an end goal that is so much more to me!

At the moment, my day continues and my spirits are amazing. I'm listening to the 180th General Conference with a smile as wide as the Sydney Harbour Bridge spread across my stupid looking face.
More importantly, I'm realising again who I am and why I am here.

I am Michael Thompson. I'm 23 years of age and I am honoured to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ. I am a happily married man to the most wonderful Wife that Heavenly Father could have linked me with and I am full of energy and full of faith to help me get through the obstacles ahead.

I never knew what inner-strength was. Now, I know the inner-me is stronger, and more mature than that of the old me!

Adios!

Trials and Tribulations

This topic came up today in Church, indirectly, through a topic on 'Why we have children'. Don't ask me how it got there- I wasn't quite listening to the whole session as my mind was jumping from one thought to the next.

tri·al [trahy-uhl, trahyl]

–noun
1. Law.
a. the examination before a judicial tribunal of the facts put in issue in a cause, often including issues of law as well as those of fact.
b. the determination of a person's guilt or innocence by due process of law.

2. the act of trying, testing, or putting to the proof.

3. test; proof.

4. an attempt or effort to do something.



trib·u·la·tion [trib-yuh-ley-shuhn]


–noun
1. grievous trouble; severe trial or suffering.

2. An instance of this; an affliction, trouble, etc.



Generally, I am afraid of stuffing up. I'm afraid of the embarrassment and humiliation it can cause, as well as the self doubt it can instill within me. I typically try to play everything safe, and even avoid confrontations in the hope that I can slide on by under the radar.

Life is a trial, a test, the final exam that will ultimately prove to ourselves, those around us and Heavenly Father that we are worth of immortality. The whole plan for us is to undertake these trials, understand them and overcome them.

Much like the story of Adam and Eve, we too need to experience 'wrong' in order to know what is right. By constantly playing the safe game and flying under the radar, I have not had the opportunity to correct my own downfalls.
Not to say I've never had to face any trials. This would be completely untrue and quite impossible. Though, I do believe I take the easy road out a lot of the times in order to save myself from confrontations. Does that make sense?

Melodie and I have, in the past, had to overcome some serious trials through our relationship. In fact, only last night we were discussing the history of 'us' and she brought up the fact that I think our relationship has been pretty easy going... Which is the truth, according to me.
However, she explained to me that that is most certainly not the case, and that she had to make some tough, executive decision very early on in our relationship. Example, the fact that she would not be married in a temple as I was not a member when he had first talked of marriage and weddings etc. At the time, it was no big deal to me where or how I were to be married, so long as it was to the woman I loved.
Again, when it came down close to the time that I was going to propose, she had to question herself and see if this is what she really wanted. Her love for me was such that she potentially sacrificed a temple wedding, as well as being sealed, for the love and trust she had in me.

Nothing comes close to the trial that was faced on those occasions.

the act of trying, testing, or putting to the proof.

To put me ahead of her own wants and needs proves the unconditional love, the bond, between us. That trial was a stepping stone in building her own character.


That was just an example of her trial. Recently, we have had a trial between us that could have kept us together, or demolished everything we had built together. A ten month long distant relationship. Thankfully, the love that was just mentioned allowed that bond to stay in place.
We have a long road ahead of us, and bumps are going to occur, much like riffs between siblings, children, parents and friends.

I think of our situation as Hurricane Katrina which tore through New Orleans in 2005. The hurricane caused widespread damage to much of the city, demolished people's homes, took lives and emptied the morale of the once vibrant city. Giving up was never an option. Some people left the city to find elsewhere to live in another city, or even state. Those who truly loved the city of New Orleans wanted to stay, to help rebuild the foundations of the city and to hopefully, one day, enjoy the vibes that New Orleans is known for.
There is a very good chance that another, more devastating hurricane, could tear through the city again and cause even more damage and death than previously. This is not a concern for those who have true love for their city because they were there. They were there when times were tough to rebuild what had been taken away from them. They were there to give their all, even when they had absolutely nothing, and it seemed like they had no way of survival.

The past ten months has been like a constant hurricane in our relationship. Causing widespread damage to the foundation of our relationship. Melodie and I are not relocating. We are not leaving one another to look for something more safe, and easier to endure. We have a lot of work ahead of us, but, we have time and love on our side.

We know what is important and we know that this trial is a stepping stone in the building of our characteristics as Husband and Wife.

Family Home Evening

Tonight, I conducted our first Family Home Evening night via the telephone. I have never attended a Family Home Evening night, let alone conducted one, so obviously I was a little nervous. As I was preparing, I asked Heavenly Father for guidance, as well as the guidance of the Holy Ghost.

Needless to say, in light of our recent blessings, I found it a fitting topic to talk about fasting.

We opened up the night with Melodie saying a quick prayer, and then continuing on with the reading of our scriptures.

I won't go through every little detail, but we spoke of The fast day and how to fast through the example of Jesus (Luke 4:1-4). We also spoke of why we pray when we fast, as well as why we should fast with a purpose.

Finally, we talked of the blessings we receive through fasting such as peace and spiritual power and how these things can help us to over come temptations, receive revelation and to do righteous acts.

I did learn that fasting should not be an event that is to be advertised. I am guilty of advertising my fasting and the reason behind it, ESPECIALLY when we had received our NOA2. However, I feel as though I was advertising is as my missionary work, to entice people to ask me more questions about the Church.

It was a beautiful evening and definitely brought Melodie and I closer... Again!! :)

The power of fasting

Our visa process is long. Longer than it should be in theory. Since we filed our petition on the 21st of September, 2009, we have been kept in the dark with absolutely no contact from USCIS to say, yes your file is being processes, or no we haven't reached your file yet. For all we knew, we could be waiting for another 12 months.

On Tuesday evening (Monday evening US time), Melodie and I were talking on the phone. We read through our scriptures as we do every other night and we said our family prayer, as we do every night. For some reason, as we were saying our own prayer in silence, while still on the phone, Melodie said "We should fast tomorrow for the first two meals".

That evening, I ate the last meal I would be having for the next 24 hours. I knelt by my bed before laying my head to rest for the evening and prayed, with sincerity, and explained to Heavenly Father the purpose for our fasting - For a quick approval of our visa petition (NOA2). I prayed for the strength for Melodie and I to endure the small sacrifice we were making.

I am very active through my line of work, and was interested to see how the lack of food would affect my day. It turned out to be an extremely hot day and as I completed my own training at 10am, I was frustrated and absolutely dirty at myself for sipping on water. My 11am client wanted to go for a soft sand walk along Manly beach. By this stage, my mouth was as dry as a towel, and I could taste the nastiness expelling from my intestines. But, I knew the reason why I was putting myself through this temporary 'pain'.

At midday, I headed back home to get some rest before I was needed back at work for 7pm. I spoke to Melodie, who had done extremely well through the whole day (Melodie is 5 hours ahead of Sydney time, so she was getting ready to eat!!). We spoke about our experiences during the day and so on.

I fell asleep, only to be woken by my boss calling me at 4:55pm saying, "you have a class to teach at 5pm"... Awesome, thanks for the heads up! haha

I got into the car to drive down to the gym only to have my BlackBerry buzzing every 2 seconds with e-mails coming through from Melodie... 'call me when you can' ...
An email had come through from vistaprint.com which, at the time of sleepiness, looked very much like VISAPRINT.com... a couple of minutes later, I received this...

*** DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS E-MAIL ***

The last processing action taken on your case

Receipt Number: WAC0935112XXX

Application Type: I130 , IMMIGRANT PETITION FOR RELATIVE, FIANCE(E), OR ORPHAN

Current Status: Approval notice sent.

On January 26, 2010, we mailed you a notice that we have approved this
I130 IMMIGRANT PETITION FOR RELATIVE, FIANCE(E), OR ORPHAN. 

I was expecting to wake up at any moment and be faced with me running late for work again... And no email from USCIS. Thankfully, that wasn't to be.

Melodie and I had completed our fasting and had done so in a sincere fashion. We were blessed by Heavenly Father much sooner than we were expecting. We had endured minor pain and discomfort for a LOT of relief and happiness!!

More importantly, this event was experienced by us, as a couple, much like the blessing of meeting each other, falling in love and having a beautiful wedding. This has added to our testimony as individuals, as well as OUR testimony as a family.

Building the Relationship

Setting the scene...
"I can't come to terms with loving anyone else more than you".
Melodie and I were reading the scriptures over the phone as we do most evenings and the discussion came up afterwards about the love we share for Heavenly Father. Even before things became serious between Melodie and I, I knew that Heavenly Father was number 1 and I respected that. I went on to explain about my slight jealousy towards their relationship. Melodie had grown up in the Church, whereas I am a recent 'convert', so I guess I haven't had that extensive time to build on that relationship. Not to the extent of Melodie's, or anyone else that is brought up in the Church

I finally got to make my first appearance at Church for 2010. It was quite a shakey start at first with unforseen car troubles the first week, and then a pretty bad illness the second week. I could definitely feel the weight on my shoulders as the days passed.
I found my seat in the chapel quite quickly, and had a sudden feeling that I was out of place. Almost like I didn't belong there. Something wasn't quite right.

The theme for today's sacrament meeting was "Obedience to the Gospel". The point came across quite quickly. To receive good blessings and eternal living, one must firstly Respect, understand and obey the commandments. The greatest commandment- "You should love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind".

This hit me immediately and I thought about my relationship with Heavenly Father. He is the creator of all things around me and the creator of me. Because I have love for Heavenly Father, it does not take away the love I have for my Wife, or my family or my friends. In fact, having that love for Heavenly Father increases the love I have for my Wife, my family and friends.

The most valuable lesson I took from today was the importance of Church for it had replenished the energy my spirit demanded. Reading of your scriptures and prayer helps to maintain the relationship, but I find attending Church is what helps to build upon that.

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder.

I remember back to June 27th, 2009. This was the date that I said good-bye to Melodie. We knew this separation was imminent and there was nothing we could do to delay its conclusion. We had opted for this option, as a couple, as we knew it to be the most appropriate route for our future arrangements- That is for me to move over to California. Due to Melodie's visa restrictions here in Australia, there was no other alternative.

The following months passed extremely slowly. I was working the same job, coming home to the same apartment and living the same old lifestyle, only, I was missing something that was apart of me. In fact, I missed it so much, that I felt myself changing. My manners had diminished, my sense of humour was stale and I couldn't, no, I didn't find the time to socialise with anybody else.

For those of you who have found true love and have experienced it day in / day out, knows how hard it is to suddenly lose that. My heart would physically ache, so bad at times that I thought I was on the verge of having a heart attack. I had heard people use the term "broken-hearted" before, but never did I ever think that it was possibe to have a feeling such as the above mentioned.

It wasn't until Christmas time just passed that I was finally able to be with my Wife again. After 6 long, hard months we were able to share the love between us again. I was able to find my politeness, people thought I was funny again (errr....???) and I didn't mind a bit of socialising here and there haha.

So, what does this have to do with my spiritual journey?

I was baptised on 23rd December, 2009. I was confirmed on 27th December, 2009. That was my last day in Church since then.

The following Sunday, I was running late, only to find out I had a flat battery and was unable to make it to Church. As for this weekend, well, it's Tuesday now, and I'm only just starting to get over an illness that I've had for the past 4 days. Melodie suggest trying to make it only to sacrament. Unfortunately, I didn't. That turned out to be a good thing because I wouldn 't have made it even part of the way through :(

The distance I've experienced from Church and its community has made my heart grow fonder. Although I have kept up my prayers, as well as reading of the scriptures, there's still that part of me that doesn't feel fully satisfied. It's kind of like getting a cheeseburger meal from McDonalds and only eating the fries and drinking the drink. Wait, did I just compare Church and Heavenly Father to McDonalds and Ronald McDonald? Well, no... Purely just a lame attempt at an analogy. Isaac would have liked it.

This Sunday is not coming quick enough. Although I repent on sins daily and I pray for forgiveness, the feeling of not attending Church for whatever the reason, slowly eats away at you until that "Heart broken" feeling returns. It returns in the form of self loathing. This is not a feeling that I want to feel week after week.

I can make it happen!

My Testimony

So, I wrote my testimony down about a month ago. And then, I lost my testimony. It was awkward to see the look on Melodie's face when I said that. Then, I realized what I said. I meant that I lost my physical testimony...

But, it went a little something like this...

My journey started, unknowingly, 22 years ago. I had grown up in a house hold where religion was evident, but never explained. I attended classes that were 'Religious' but never captivating to my attentive needs. I had prayed, but never knew who I was talking to.

At age three, I was diagnosed with a meningitis. A life threatening disease which saw the lives of 7 young people taken away in my area within the weeks I was hospitalized. The left half of my body was limp and not a single muscle was able to be used. I could not even smile. I was number 8. My body, my mind and my heart had given up, and I was ready to succumbe to its wrath. I was dead. The Doctors were amazed at tens-of-millions of white blood cells that were fighting the disease through and through. Normally, this number should be in its thousands.
Typically, I have always been one to shrug of incidents of this nature as pure luck- no more, no less. I was lucky that my body really had not given up. That, something inside of me perked up and kept the fight going.
My utter ignorance is what gave me this belief. Knowing what I know now, I would be a fool to express gratitude to 'luck' for this event.
The only expression of gratitude is towards Heavenly Father for giving me the strength and the spirit to endure through the pain suffering.

"Coincidence is the one thing that brought me to meet my Wife" is what I WOULD be saying if I did not know what I know now. Through my line of work, I came to take the opportunity to share my line of work on a cruise ship. Prior to obtaining a ship to work on, I had to spend a couple of weeks in London for further education. The normal wait for a ship was about 2 weeks. I made a lot of friends, and I celebrated with them as they, one by one, got given ships to go work on. I made new friends that came into this academy, and said good-bye to them. After 6 weeks, I finally had by ship set up. Holland-America's MS Maasdam. The MS What? This was not a cruise line I had heard of, nor did it sound like a ship that I could write home to my friends and family and explain my excitement of the MS Maasdam. I hadn't been on the ship for more than 2 weeks when I met Melodie.
Coincidence? No! Luck? Doesn't exist! There was no other reasong for me to stay in London, other than to wait for the MS Maasdam to become available to me so that I could have the opportunity of meeting my future wife.

Even as a personal trainer, I had fallen into the sociably acceptable habits of smoking and drinking. They were not habits I enjoyed in the sense, but a habit nonetheless. Since taking this journey recently, reading the scriptures, praying and learning of eternal life with the ones that I love, I have not wished for a sip of alcohol, nor a puff of tobacco. The choice is extremely easy.

I believe that Joseph Smith was the First true prophet of the Church. I know that his Father believed him and his recollection of the first revelation and I know that any man, when faced by death, chooses to stand up for what he believes rather than disregard it for the sake of saving himself has true belief and love.

I believe in our Modern day prophet Thomas S. Monson and thoroughly enjoy the sincerity of his talks as well as himself as a Messenger of God.

I believe the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true Church of Jesus Christ and I am honored and grateful to be apart of this Kingdom here on Earth.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ.

Amen.

Mike!! Mike? Where are you?

HERE I AM!!!

So, what have I learned since my last entry??? Never, ever write pages and pages and pages of notes at General Conference, THEN, try to summarize and describe your feelings on them in a blog. During General Conference, you don't realize how many notes you actually take (well, according to most, including my ward's Bishop, I seem to be some king of note taking freak! haha [Not necessarily in those words]).

So much has happened since my last postings... Where to begin.??

Well... No, maybe I won't begin there. Let's go back a little further.

I experienced complacency in regards to my scripture readings, which was very difficult for me to over come. I kept telling myself "I was GOING to", which was kind of like a fall-back for me. Yeah, I'm GOING to read my scriptures... Just not now :-) Thankfully, I'm back into it and looking forward to another splendid reading this evening with my beautiful wife over the phone.

So, I got baptized. "YOU WHAT?" Yeah, I thought that might come as a suprise to most. I figured, heck, what have I got to lose?

No, seriously. As I have mentioned before, I have known for some time that the right thing for me to do was to be baptized. To make the sacred covenant, wash myself clean of sin and let myself loose through the gates and follow the holy trail led by the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Believe me, I would have done it sooner, but I felt the right thing to do would be to have Melodie there. Not so that she could hold my hand and help me through the process (which she did anyway), but so she could be there to witness it and share in the experience.

23rd December, 2009
The baptism was set for 7pm on this very night. I could still hear Elder Nelson in my ear... "Make sure you bring 2 white shirts, a white T-shirt and white underwear and a change of underwear". Wow, it was almost like going away on school camp again!

I was supposed to be at the Church at 6:30pm. The time was 6:30pm. Low and behold, I realised, I don't own any white underwear. "Do you think they'll mind if I wear these red ones, Melodie?" By the look on her face, I assumed a 'no' so I turned away and kept rummaging through my junk. As time was winding down, we realized that we had to try our luck at the local supermarket. Luckily, I had not been washed of my sins yet, so I sped down to the supermarket and we ran in to look for some. Black, grey or navy is all they had to offer. It was either that, or womens underwear. I knew heavenly father would not appreciate me being baptized in womens underwear. I finally found a 6 pack of white at another store and we were on our way to Church.

We got there at about 6:50pm. I was able to get changed with Elder Nelson beatboxing and Modlik rapping 'be still, my soul'. I now know how they have been so successful Gq'ing on the streets of the Ghet... I mean, the Beaches.

To my disappointment, they didn't have a white tie for me to wear. I offered Elder Modliks tie to myself, but apparently he 'NEEDED' one, so I couldn't look like I was doing a new Boyz II Men music vid. It's all good though, I enjoyed rocking the white shirt and pants with no shoes.

A friend of mine from Church, Isaac te'u, gave a talk on baptism. It was cool to hear him talk about it and his views on Baptism, and how he felt it would help me. I was suprised when he started to choke on his words towards the end of his talk, but could definitely feel the sincerity and the love behind his words.

Melodie gave a short talk on the Holy Ghost, who and what the Holy Ghost actually was, how and when it should be used and other cool stuff like that. I surely was excited to have my Wife fly across from the US to be there, and having her talk made it that much more special.

THEN I WAS DUMPED. It was kind of nerve racking. Hold your hands like this, bend your knees like that, don't bang your head on the tiled walls etc etc. So many instructions, I was sure I was going to stuff something up. Wasn't to happen though, everything went smoothly and I came up, out of the water clean and feeling like a new spirit inside.

I had a few minutes to contemplate what just went down as I was drying myself off and getting changed. Awesome Mike, you forgot socks... Whatever...
There was no going back to what just happened. And I didn't want to. Everything felt so right.

That feeling was backed up by Melodie singing 'Be still, my soul' accompanied by Sister Manwell on the piano. That particular hymn seemed to be a running theme for the evening and it sat very well in the pit of my stomach.

The baptism was followed by a tremendous feast consisting of any kind of food you could possibly think of. Well, kind of. there was some tuna salad, some pizza, some chicken, some other stuff and it was all grand!



Christmas came and went and I was back at Church on Sunday 27 December, 2009. Today was the day of confirmation. I was asked by Bishop to arrive at Church at 8:30am for an interview he wanted to conduct with me. I agreed (as if I was going to say 'no') and made the awesome effort to be there right on time. He explained to me what would happen today and what he thought of my progress thus far. He then told be that, today during Elders Quorum, I would be ordained into the Aaronic priesthood.



Since my Baptism, and confirmation, I have felt a great deal of peace within. My stress has decreased and I find I have a lot more patience. More importantly, I find that I'm more aware of my actions and reprecussions the might have the near future. I feel as though it has improved my relationship with my Wife. Not that we needed our relationship to improve,but we are both on common ground and I feel something that has been apart of her Life since she can remember.
People were telling me months and months ago, "Mike, if you take this journey, you will be happy."
I'm happy to say I recognise that true, everlasting happiness and I'm proud to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints