I’m not the first Man to enter this predicament, and I sure as heck won’t be the last. However, I’m sure each incident contains its own, strange uniqueness.
For those who were lucky enough to be a part of mine and Melodie’s life in our good times, you will have those fond memories of us being together, smiling, laughing and having fun. Those are the images that are permanently etched into my memory.
Your heart aches for someone so badly. You long for them when they’re not near. You pray for them each morning and evening and everything in between. You believe that your love is something so extraordinary that you can go through hell and back, and still maintain that momentum, that motivation, that determination to endure until the end.
I finally arrived in the USA on August 10th, after almost a whole year of being separated due to me having to pursue a visa, we were finally at the final steps. Melodie had been in rehearsals for her upcoming ship contract, which we had both agreed she would do, and I would travel with her as spouse on board.
To me, everything seemed fine, up until a few weeks ago. Communication begun to break down, and when we did talk, there was no enthusiasm or spark. Things were beginning to become bleek.
This is when I turned to Heavenly Father. With sincere prayer and fasting, I was holding onto the belief that given a chance, we would be able to work out our differences that were created throughout the past year.
Unfortunately, Heavenly Father’s plan for the two of us did not involve each other at this stage. At first, I questioned the plan of Heavenly Father, but was quick to retract any questioning. Who am I to question the plan of Heavenly Father?
My heart aches, and the future I envisioned for myself has been crushed, but only momentarily. I know I must remain on this higher spiritual plane. I have to ride this wave as far as it takes me. If I begin to dwell on ‘what could have been…’ I will only cause more stress and heartache within my already fragile heart. I need to place all of my faith in Heavenly Father and continue to strive towards a happy and bright future for myself. As one of the Quorum of the Twelve said during the 180th General Conference- “It takes two people to accomplish tasks. Yourself, and Heavenly Father”.
This ordeal has not damaged my relationship with our Saviour, Jesus Christ, our Heavenly Father, nor the Church as a whole.
I will keep Melodie in my prayers as she, too, struggles with this decision of hers. I have no ill feelings towards my (ex?) Wife. I have always wanted the best for her, and if she feels she is at her best without me, then so be it! That is something I will need to come to terms with and move forward.
It hurts to break such a sacred relationship. I never envisioned Melodie and I growing apart, especially so soon in our relationship. I saw a lot of potential, a lot of fun times and a lot of love over the years. Unfortunately, she saw something different- and it pains me to know that I could not make her happy.
Time to move on to the next chapter…
It will be tough, there is no question in that. I ask for your prayers for Melodie and for myself.
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Hi Mike! I was led to your blog by a comment that you made on Facebook (I think it was The Book of Mormon one). I just finished reading all of your blog posts, and I'm so moved by your conversion story. What an amazing journey you've had over the past couple of years! I'm so thrilled for you at having found and embraced the Gospel, and at developing a close relationship with our Father in heaven. I'm also heartbroken that your wife has decided to end your marriage after all the efforts you've made to make things work. I don't understand her motives, either, especially since I don't know her. I know you'll gain an understanding of the "whys" if you continue in prayer. My feeling after reading you blog and hers (I found hers through yours--sorry! I'm not a crazy stalker, but I'm sick on the couch and have time on my hands, and your story was so awesome I just had to read everything I could) that maybe her goals really weren't the same as yours. She seems to be really focused on developing her career, and on attaining the things she wants. Maybe your commitment to the Gospel and to your marriage were a lot stronger than hers were. Of course, this is all just speculation, since I'm just an outsider looking in. But, I did want to let you know that no matter what trials are thrown in your path (and, obviously, there can be some pretty major trials that turn your world completely upside-down), it's always worth it to hold firmly to your relationship with Heavenly Father and strengthen yourself with scripture study. I know you already realize that from what I've read, but it doesn't hurt to encourage you, right? I am so saddened by the seemingly selfish choice your wife has made. I really wonder if you may be right that she was brought into your life to turn you toward the Gospel, even though she wasn't going to stick around once you'd made that awesome commitment. The Lord will judge her appropriately, so no one else needs to judge her, but I just hope you're still able to hold strong to your testimony. I pray for the Lord to stremgthen and uplift you during this difficult time. I hope you'll continue to write about your experiences so I, a complete stranger, can be sure you're doing ok! I hope you have a good support system around you so far from your home--missionaries, bishop, home teachers, friends, etc. to help you in your daily struggles! Hold strong and keep the faith!!!
ReplyDeleteThanku for the comment. I can understand what you mean, even if you do not know us personally. Though, with true love, I put her dreams and aspirations before mine. I wanted to see her succeed the best way she could, and to support her every step of the way.
ReplyDeleteEven though I'm away from home, I still have a large support group. That's why I thank heavenly father for technology each and every night!!