I do realise that this blog has swayed off of the whole 'spiritual' aspect, and more into a personal one.
Love is a funny feeling. No, love is not a feeling- sadness is a feeling, happiness is a feeling, anger is a feeling- love is more than that. Love is sacred and special. Love is a way of life.
I sat down with my Wife today, face-to-face for the first time in 6 weeks, to be told that we would no longer be in a relationship. She wanted out. And, that hurt. Initially, it hurt to think that she did not want to be with me anymore, especially considering I had done no wrong by her. But, as I sit here with the reality setting in, I realise what it is that makes this so painful.
Even after having your heart torn out, spat on and set on fire by the one you love, that love does not diminish. At this point in time, I love Melodie more than ever. And that love is going nowhere. she will not receive it.
I miss her so badly. I love her so intensely. When will I wake up from this crazy nightmare?
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
en·dur·ance
/ɛnˈdʊərəns, -ˈdyʊər-/ Show Spelled[en-door-uhns, -dyoor-] Show IPA
–noun
1. the fact or power of enduring or bearing pain, hardships, etc.
2. the ability or strength to continue or last, esp. despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions; stamina: He has amazing physical endurance.
3. lasting quality; duration: His friendships have little endurance.
4. something endured, as a hardship; trial.
There is a reason why professional athletes continue to train in their off-season. There's a reason why the soul needs to be fed its spiritual goodness. There's a reason why Husband and Wife should continue to be faithful, open and honest.
It comes as no surprise to some, but a huge surprise to me, that my Wife has opted out of the marriage. For reasons that I cannot come to understand, and probably never will. It causes deep pain within me to imagine the amount of discomfort she obviously feels within our once loving relationship.
I have never been through such struggles that has physically caused my knees to buckle, and to come crashing to the ground in literal fits of sobbing.
The sight of any couple walking down the street hand-in-hand, or eating at a restaurant, or driving down the simple has never been so heart wrenching.
Normally, I'm looking at them and comparing Mel and I and thinking there is no way that couple shares the same amount of love as we do.
How wrong I was...
I sit here typing this blog with tears streaming down my cheeks, splashing onto the bed that my Wife and I once shared, trying to figure out if this is reality, or just some sick, twisted dream- nothing but the saddest of songs playing from my iTunes. And then, almost as to pry in the final dagger, the song that my Wife sang for me at our wedding begins to blind me from the insurmountable tears that are fighting their way out. Just let it out, Mike... Let them come...
...
Moments pass, and I don't feel any better. In fact, it hasn't changed one thing. I'm still going to sleep tonight, and waking up alone. No one to comfort me, no one to say "It's going to be ok!" Just me and my Heavenly Father. And, I remind my self that that is OK. That, the one person who will never turn his back on me, no matter what, is still here to listen to me.
Melodie has given up. She's given up on me, she has given up on our marriage and she's given up on herself to allow herself the opportunity to love me again.
Just like that.
I remember when I first met Melodie. She was more to me than anyone had ever been. We didn't know how we were going to make it work- we just knew that we would. And we prevailed. Melodie moved to Sydney. We were in love. We planned a wedding. We had the most beautiful ceremony.
I remember talking to her about our future- about both of us going back to school, about children and our children's names. What kind of jobs we'd have, where we'd most like to go with each other. What we'd turn out like in our 50's, 60's, 70's etc. All those hopes and dreams- torn away in less than a heart beat. The final dagger through the heart- "I am not in love with you anymore".
And with that said, the chapter closes. She reassured me that there was absolutely NOTHING I could do to change how she felt. I could not change me, I could not change the situation, I could not talk with her or try to work it out, even though I was willing to go 100%, even if it meant starting all over again. Melodie obviously found it more convenient to just sever the relationship at the roots. Chop down the tree so it comes crashing to the ground and tear the roots up and burn them to a crisp. No seeds to recreate what once was so majestic and beautiful.
There is an infinite of pain and hurt running through my veins this very second. Disappointment. Betrayal. But, within it all, there is no anger. There is no hate. There is only love still deep in my soul for the Woman who I thought would be at my side until my final breath on this Earth, and then to share eternity with in the Celestial Kingdom.
I've come to realise that the only thing I'm guilty of is opening my heart and sharing it at its fullest. I felt comfortable and secure enough to do that. I felt the love and passion. Is that a scary thing for someone to accept? Is it so devastatingly frightening that you can be loved that you pull yourself out from it completely?
Through all of this, I have to continue to look at the positives I have out of this.
-I have some amazing memories of visiting exciting places and meeting people with Melodie.
-I no longer smoke cigarettes, nor drink alcohol (often)
-I rekindled my relationship with Heavenly Father.
Surely, that is not the reason why I was brought to Melodie. Her purpose was not to show me the way to the Gospel, and then to leave? Surely not!
I mentioned to one of our mutual friends from Sydney that Heavenly Father's plan no longer involved Melodie and I together as a married couple.
He said that was preposterous and that Heavenly Father always wants married couples to stay together.
My future looks dark and lonely. I am lost, and I am sincerely afraid. But, I must dig deep and find that endurance. I have to accept what has happened whether I like it or not. Melodie and I are no longer in a loving relationship, I must move on.
But, then, I think... I dedicated my life to that Woman. That one woman. Even though I was not yet a member, I vowed to her, before Heavenly Father, that I would always be there for her, no matter what. I made a binding contract what she was my Wife and she would be until forever. Melodie isn't holding her end of the bargain. Does that mean I just move on to the next girl I hit it off? God forbid, I hate to even think about this but, if Melodie were killed in an accident, I would not bring myself to even look at another woman. I'm sure of it. The last memory I would have was being in a loving relationship with the one Woman I trusted whole-heartedly.
And I still feel the same way. I look at other women (short, tall, fat, thin, white, black, asian, gorgeous, or not...) and I cannot see myself laughing with them, shopping with them, sitting at home on the couch with them, sleeping with them, or being married to them.
I think my heart is destined to bottle up its love and to release my passion into my professional work or other areas of my life.
These times are so confusing and so self-doubting
I lie here, on her bed, in her house... Alone. I look down and I see a puddle of water on the sheets that has formed over the past hour of typing this crap.
I can see now that I have a long, painful journey to endure. As Melodie would say, "It's not worth dwelling over"...
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
–noun
1. the fact or power of enduring or bearing pain, hardships, etc.
2. the ability or strength to continue or last, esp. despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions; stamina: He has amazing physical endurance.
3. lasting quality; duration: His friendships have little endurance.
4. something endured, as a hardship; trial.
There is a reason why professional athletes continue to train in their off-season. There's a reason why the soul needs to be fed its spiritual goodness. There's a reason why Husband and Wife should continue to be faithful, open and honest.
It comes as no surprise to some, but a huge surprise to me, that my Wife has opted out of the marriage. For reasons that I cannot come to understand, and probably never will. It causes deep pain within me to imagine the amount of discomfort she obviously feels within our once loving relationship.
I have never been through such struggles that has physically caused my knees to buckle, and to come crashing to the ground in literal fits of sobbing.
The sight of any couple walking down the street hand-in-hand, or eating at a restaurant, or driving down the simple has never been so heart wrenching.
Normally, I'm looking at them and comparing Mel and I and thinking there is no way that couple shares the same amount of love as we do.
How wrong I was...
I sit here typing this blog with tears streaming down my cheeks, splashing onto the bed that my Wife and I once shared, trying to figure out if this is reality, or just some sick, twisted dream- nothing but the saddest of songs playing from my iTunes. And then, almost as to pry in the final dagger, the song that my Wife sang for me at our wedding begins to blind me from the insurmountable tears that are fighting their way out. Just let it out, Mike... Let them come...
...
Moments pass, and I don't feel any better. In fact, it hasn't changed one thing. I'm still going to sleep tonight, and waking up alone. No one to comfort me, no one to say "It's going to be ok!" Just me and my Heavenly Father. And, I remind my self that that is OK. That, the one person who will never turn his back on me, no matter what, is still here to listen to me.
Melodie has given up. She's given up on me, she has given up on our marriage and she's given up on herself to allow herself the opportunity to love me again.
Just like that.
I remember when I first met Melodie. She was more to me than anyone had ever been. We didn't know how we were going to make it work- we just knew that we would. And we prevailed. Melodie moved to Sydney. We were in love. We planned a wedding. We had the most beautiful ceremony.
I remember talking to her about our future- about both of us going back to school, about children and our children's names. What kind of jobs we'd have, where we'd most like to go with each other. What we'd turn out like in our 50's, 60's, 70's etc. All those hopes and dreams- torn away in less than a heart beat. The final dagger through the heart- "I am not in love with you anymore".
And with that said, the chapter closes. She reassured me that there was absolutely NOTHING I could do to change how she felt. I could not change me, I could not change the situation, I could not talk with her or try to work it out, even though I was willing to go 100%, even if it meant starting all over again. Melodie obviously found it more convenient to just sever the relationship at the roots. Chop down the tree so it comes crashing to the ground and tear the roots up and burn them to a crisp. No seeds to recreate what once was so majestic and beautiful.
There is an infinite of pain and hurt running through my veins this very second. Disappointment. Betrayal. But, within it all, there is no anger. There is no hate. There is only love still deep in my soul for the Woman who I thought would be at my side until my final breath on this Earth, and then to share eternity with in the Celestial Kingdom.
I've come to realise that the only thing I'm guilty of is opening my heart and sharing it at its fullest. I felt comfortable and secure enough to do that. I felt the love and passion. Is that a scary thing for someone to accept? Is it so devastatingly frightening that you can be loved that you pull yourself out from it completely?
Through all of this, I have to continue to look at the positives I have out of this.
-I have some amazing memories of visiting exciting places and meeting people with Melodie.
-I no longer smoke cigarettes, nor drink alcohol (often)
-I rekindled my relationship with Heavenly Father.
Surely, that is not the reason why I was brought to Melodie. Her purpose was not to show me the way to the Gospel, and then to leave? Surely not!
I mentioned to one of our mutual friends from Sydney that Heavenly Father's plan no longer involved Melodie and I together as a married couple.
He said that was preposterous and that Heavenly Father always wants married couples to stay together.
My future looks dark and lonely. I am lost, and I am sincerely afraid. But, I must dig deep and find that endurance. I have to accept what has happened whether I like it or not. Melodie and I are no longer in a loving relationship, I must move on.
But, then, I think... I dedicated my life to that Woman. That one woman. Even though I was not yet a member, I vowed to her, before Heavenly Father, that I would always be there for her, no matter what. I made a binding contract what she was my Wife and she would be until forever. Melodie isn't holding her end of the bargain. Does that mean I just move on to the next girl I hit it off? God forbid, I hate to even think about this but, if Melodie were killed in an accident, I would not bring myself to even look at another woman. I'm sure of it. The last memory I would have was being in a loving relationship with the one Woman I trusted whole-heartedly.
And I still feel the same way. I look at other women (short, tall, fat, thin, white, black, asian, gorgeous, or not...) and I cannot see myself laughing with them, shopping with them, sitting at home on the couch with them, sleeping with them, or being married to them.
I think my heart is destined to bottle up its love and to release my passion into my professional work or other areas of my life.
These times are so confusing and so self-doubting
I lie here, on her bed, in her house... Alone. I look down and I see a puddle of water on the sheets that has formed over the past hour of typing this crap.
I can see now that I have a long, painful journey to endure. As Melodie would say, "It's not worth dwelling over"...
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Retract that last post...
Unless you’ve been through it, you cannot comprehend the heartache it causes when your Significant Other tells you that he / she does not love you as they should.
When hearing that they are giving up, you too begin to sense that feeling of giving up.
I have put Melodie in this position before, though my love ran so deep, even though I threatened to leave- it was never something I knew I could follow through with. The grass never looked greener on the otherside, regardless of the pain that I had experienced. Still, through times like these, the grass on the otherside still has a brown, dying look to it.
However, we all have choices. It is true that we all have the right of free agency, and so I am taking advantage of that right and am putting my whole into this relationship. Some may say that I am setting myself up for a broken heart, or similar. I disagree emphatically. A broken heart would consist of the Woman you love so dearly leaving you, just like that. No chance to reconcile, no chance to make any sense of it. Just, up and gone- that whole feeling of security and having that person by your side, shattered.
The only way to come out of a relationship such as this, is to sincerely open up, be utterly honest and open and to allow the other person to take the time to understand where the other is coming from.
It would be a blatant lie if I said I was never, and never will be afraid, or scared, of being a Husband and Father. There is a lot of responsibility that comes with that title, that privilege- and I am not about to shy away from that responsibility at the first sign of trouble within our relationship.
Much like there is a lot of responsibility with being a Husband, the same would apply to being a Wife (though, I can not speak from experience).
It is a frightening ordeal for to young people to go through, and it is even more frightening to go through it alone as we both have pretty much since 6 weeks after our marriage.
How should a Man love his Wife? How should a Woman love her Husband? Are there any set rules? There are those typical generalizations that a Woman should look after the household (cleanliness, children, meals, etc.) and that a Man should provide the income and the love for his family. Though, Melodie and I are not that ‘typical’ couple. Melodie is very independent and enjoys working in her field of Musical Theater. I too love working in my field of Health & Fitness very much.
I believe the only type of love that one should show, is what comes from their heart. Even if things seemed bleek and miserable on the outside, so long as what was going on on the inside was of pure love, then trials such as these can be overcome.
If Melodie agrees, then I will board that ship on the 22nd with no expectations. No expectations of being together forever, nor of failure. I will be honest, loving, supportive and caring as best as I know how. And, I hope that Melodie will do the same.
Then, and only then, can we say that we gave it our best shot. Until that moment comes when we are both certain it will not work, it is not over!
This, for now, is out of my Hands.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please guide our hearts, our minds and our souls to lead us to each other so that we may work through this as a family- As Husband and Wife. Bless us with the strength, courage, honesty and love to attack this trial. To rebuild the damage of which the Devil has plagued us with. Thou strengths, powers and abilities are of no match for the Devil and his weak ways.
I say these things humbly in the Name of our Saviour, Jesus Christ.
Amen.
When hearing that they are giving up, you too begin to sense that feeling of giving up.
I have put Melodie in this position before, though my love ran so deep, even though I threatened to leave- it was never something I knew I could follow through with. The grass never looked greener on the otherside, regardless of the pain that I had experienced. Still, through times like these, the grass on the otherside still has a brown, dying look to it.
However, we all have choices. It is true that we all have the right of free agency, and so I am taking advantage of that right and am putting my whole into this relationship. Some may say that I am setting myself up for a broken heart, or similar. I disagree emphatically. A broken heart would consist of the Woman you love so dearly leaving you, just like that. No chance to reconcile, no chance to make any sense of it. Just, up and gone- that whole feeling of security and having that person by your side, shattered.
The only way to come out of a relationship such as this, is to sincerely open up, be utterly honest and open and to allow the other person to take the time to understand where the other is coming from.
It would be a blatant lie if I said I was never, and never will be afraid, or scared, of being a Husband and Father. There is a lot of responsibility that comes with that title, that privilege- and I am not about to shy away from that responsibility at the first sign of trouble within our relationship.
Much like there is a lot of responsibility with being a Husband, the same would apply to being a Wife (though, I can not speak from experience).
It is a frightening ordeal for to young people to go through, and it is even more frightening to go through it alone as we both have pretty much since 6 weeks after our marriage.
How should a Man love his Wife? How should a Woman love her Husband? Are there any set rules? There are those typical generalizations that a Woman should look after the household (cleanliness, children, meals, etc.) and that a Man should provide the income and the love for his family. Though, Melodie and I are not that ‘typical’ couple. Melodie is very independent and enjoys working in her field of Musical Theater. I too love working in my field of Health & Fitness very much.
I believe the only type of love that one should show, is what comes from their heart. Even if things seemed bleek and miserable on the outside, so long as what was going on on the inside was of pure love, then trials such as these can be overcome.
If Melodie agrees, then I will board that ship on the 22nd with no expectations. No expectations of being together forever, nor of failure. I will be honest, loving, supportive and caring as best as I know how. And, I hope that Melodie will do the same.
Then, and only then, can we say that we gave it our best shot. Until that moment comes when we are both certain it will not work, it is not over!
This, for now, is out of my Hands.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please guide our hearts, our minds and our souls to lead us to each other so that we may work through this as a family- As Husband and Wife. Bless us with the strength, courage, honesty and love to attack this trial. To rebuild the damage of which the Devil has plagued us with. Thou strengths, powers and abilities are of no match for the Devil and his weak ways.
I say these things humbly in the Name of our Saviour, Jesus Christ.
Amen.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Too much absence and the heart will wander.
I’m not the first Man to enter this predicament, and I sure as heck won’t be the last. However, I’m sure each incident contains its own, strange uniqueness.
For those who were lucky enough to be a part of mine and Melodie’s life in our good times, you will have those fond memories of us being together, smiling, laughing and having fun. Those are the images that are permanently etched into my memory.
Your heart aches for someone so badly. You long for them when they’re not near. You pray for them each morning and evening and everything in between. You believe that your love is something so extraordinary that you can go through hell and back, and still maintain that momentum, that motivation, that determination to endure until the end.
I finally arrived in the USA on August 10th, after almost a whole year of being separated due to me having to pursue a visa, we were finally at the final steps. Melodie had been in rehearsals for her upcoming ship contract, which we had both agreed she would do, and I would travel with her as spouse on board.
To me, everything seemed fine, up until a few weeks ago. Communication begun to break down, and when we did talk, there was no enthusiasm or spark. Things were beginning to become bleek.
This is when I turned to Heavenly Father. With sincere prayer and fasting, I was holding onto the belief that given a chance, we would be able to work out our differences that were created throughout the past year.
Unfortunately, Heavenly Father’s plan for the two of us did not involve each other at this stage. At first, I questioned the plan of Heavenly Father, but was quick to retract any questioning. Who am I to question the plan of Heavenly Father?
My heart aches, and the future I envisioned for myself has been crushed, but only momentarily. I know I must remain on this higher spiritual plane. I have to ride this wave as far as it takes me. If I begin to dwell on ‘what could have been…’ I will only cause more stress and heartache within my already fragile heart. I need to place all of my faith in Heavenly Father and continue to strive towards a happy and bright future for myself. As one of the Quorum of the Twelve said during the 180th General Conference- “It takes two people to accomplish tasks. Yourself, and Heavenly Father”.
This ordeal has not damaged my relationship with our Saviour, Jesus Christ, our Heavenly Father, nor the Church as a whole.
I will keep Melodie in my prayers as she, too, struggles with this decision of hers. I have no ill feelings towards my (ex?) Wife. I have always wanted the best for her, and if she feels she is at her best without me, then so be it! That is something I will need to come to terms with and move forward.
It hurts to break such a sacred relationship. I never envisioned Melodie and I growing apart, especially so soon in our relationship. I saw a lot of potential, a lot of fun times and a lot of love over the years. Unfortunately, she saw something different- and it pains me to know that I could not make her happy.
Time to move on to the next chapter…
It will be tough, there is no question in that. I ask for your prayers for Melodie and for myself.
For those who were lucky enough to be a part of mine and Melodie’s life in our good times, you will have those fond memories of us being together, smiling, laughing and having fun. Those are the images that are permanently etched into my memory.
Your heart aches for someone so badly. You long for them when they’re not near. You pray for them each morning and evening and everything in between. You believe that your love is something so extraordinary that you can go through hell and back, and still maintain that momentum, that motivation, that determination to endure until the end.
I finally arrived in the USA on August 10th, after almost a whole year of being separated due to me having to pursue a visa, we were finally at the final steps. Melodie had been in rehearsals for her upcoming ship contract, which we had both agreed she would do, and I would travel with her as spouse on board.
To me, everything seemed fine, up until a few weeks ago. Communication begun to break down, and when we did talk, there was no enthusiasm or spark. Things were beginning to become bleek.
This is when I turned to Heavenly Father. With sincere prayer and fasting, I was holding onto the belief that given a chance, we would be able to work out our differences that were created throughout the past year.
Unfortunately, Heavenly Father’s plan for the two of us did not involve each other at this stage. At first, I questioned the plan of Heavenly Father, but was quick to retract any questioning. Who am I to question the plan of Heavenly Father?
My heart aches, and the future I envisioned for myself has been crushed, but only momentarily. I know I must remain on this higher spiritual plane. I have to ride this wave as far as it takes me. If I begin to dwell on ‘what could have been…’ I will only cause more stress and heartache within my already fragile heart. I need to place all of my faith in Heavenly Father and continue to strive towards a happy and bright future for myself. As one of the Quorum of the Twelve said during the 180th General Conference- “It takes two people to accomplish tasks. Yourself, and Heavenly Father”.
This ordeal has not damaged my relationship with our Saviour, Jesus Christ, our Heavenly Father, nor the Church as a whole.
I will keep Melodie in my prayers as she, too, struggles with this decision of hers. I have no ill feelings towards my (ex?) Wife. I have always wanted the best for her, and if she feels she is at her best without me, then so be it! That is something I will need to come to terms with and move forward.
It hurts to break such a sacred relationship. I never envisioned Melodie and I growing apart, especially so soon in our relationship. I saw a lot of potential, a lot of fun times and a lot of love over the years. Unfortunately, she saw something different- and it pains me to know that I could not make her happy.
Time to move on to the next chapter…
It will be tough, there is no question in that. I ask for your prayers for Melodie and for myself.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Dear Diary...
I've made it to the USofA! Finally, after much stress and pulling-of-the-hair-out, I am HERE!! Whoop-di-doo!
It doesn't come without its pain and suffering, however. Although, in saying that, there is always a lesson to be learned from the heart-ache, the pain and the suffering.
With a year's long separation from my Wife, there was bound to be some emotional and mental drawbacks between us, as well as within us. I can't speak too much for Melodie, but for myself, I know I haven't been 'me' for the past 12 months. And, after a 1/2 hour long conversation with my Mum, she totally agrees.
I knew something had to be done, and had to be done quick if I were to save 'it all'.
I began with fasting on Wednesday night 8th Sept, 2010. That took me right through until 9:30pm Thursday night. I waited so long because I had set up an appointment with the Bishop of our Ward for a blessing.
This was my first blessing I was ever to receive, and it was something of which I cannot explain.
Bishop Smith took the time to fill me in on how a blessing works, and that the words that are said are not entirely important- to some they are. However, it is the act of the blessing, or the power that is instilled within person being blessed based on his or fer level of faith so to speak.
To say that the blessing was a spiritual moment in my life is an understatement if I've ever heard one before! Bishop Smith placed his hands on my head and he paused, and he waited until the time was right. The moment before he began talking, an overwhelming sense of calm had taken over me. All the emotions and confusion which had ruled my life for so many months seemed to melt away in a heartbeat. There was no holding back as the tears began to stream from my eyes. All of the negativity that was being held onto was being rejected from my mind, body and soul in such a way that I kicked myself for not putting my faith into Heavenly Father and his abilities sooner.
Once the blessing was complete, Bishop sat by me on his desk and I was motionless. I was more confused than ever as to how this simple, yet powerful process could almost instantaneously change my whole perception of EVERYTHING- be it my personal life, my professional life and my married life.
I sat in the car in the carpark of the ward, just, still. As I left the gates to the ward, the tears began flowing again. And, I mean like, pouring. I was sobbing, I couldn't breathe and the tears were beginning to blind my vision which was a little dangerous on the road with an empty stomach!
What was different to these tears, as opposed to the tears I've cried many time over the past 12 months is that these were legitimate tears of pure joy. The feeling of starting fresh and new.
Today was a new day, and I knew the Lord's work was not yet complete. I woke with the spirit surrounding my bed posts. I decided to e-mail my testimony to my Wife and to pray. Today would be another day of fasting. 2 consecutive days. Our proof of what can come of fasting made me excited to sacrifice another 2 meals for an end goal that is so much more to me!
At the moment, my day continues and my spirits are amazing. I'm listening to the 180th General Conference with a smile as wide as the Sydney Harbour Bridge spread across my stupid looking face.
More importantly, I'm realising again who I am and why I am here.
I am Michael Thompson. I'm 23 years of age and I am honoured to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ. I am a happily married man to the most wonderful Wife that Heavenly Father could have linked me with and I am full of energy and full of faith to help me get through the obstacles ahead.
I never knew what inner-strength was. Now, I know the inner-me is stronger, and more mature than that of the old me!
Adios!
It doesn't come without its pain and suffering, however. Although, in saying that, there is always a lesson to be learned from the heart-ache, the pain and the suffering.
With a year's long separation from my Wife, there was bound to be some emotional and mental drawbacks between us, as well as within us. I can't speak too much for Melodie, but for myself, I know I haven't been 'me' for the past 12 months. And, after a 1/2 hour long conversation with my Mum, she totally agrees.
I knew something had to be done, and had to be done quick if I were to save 'it all'.
I began with fasting on Wednesday night 8th Sept, 2010. That took me right through until 9:30pm Thursday night. I waited so long because I had set up an appointment with the Bishop of our Ward for a blessing.
This was my first blessing I was ever to receive, and it was something of which I cannot explain.
Bishop Smith took the time to fill me in on how a blessing works, and that the words that are said are not entirely important- to some they are. However, it is the act of the blessing, or the power that is instilled within person being blessed based on his or fer level of faith so to speak.
To say that the blessing was a spiritual moment in my life is an understatement if I've ever heard one before! Bishop Smith placed his hands on my head and he paused, and he waited until the time was right. The moment before he began talking, an overwhelming sense of calm had taken over me. All the emotions and confusion which had ruled my life for so many months seemed to melt away in a heartbeat. There was no holding back as the tears began to stream from my eyes. All of the negativity that was being held onto was being rejected from my mind, body and soul in such a way that I kicked myself for not putting my faith into Heavenly Father and his abilities sooner.
Once the blessing was complete, Bishop sat by me on his desk and I was motionless. I was more confused than ever as to how this simple, yet powerful process could almost instantaneously change my whole perception of EVERYTHING- be it my personal life, my professional life and my married life.
I sat in the car in the carpark of the ward, just, still. As I left the gates to the ward, the tears began flowing again. And, I mean like, pouring. I was sobbing, I couldn't breathe and the tears were beginning to blind my vision which was a little dangerous on the road with an empty stomach!
What was different to these tears, as opposed to the tears I've cried many time over the past 12 months is that these were legitimate tears of pure joy. The feeling of starting fresh and new.
Today was a new day, and I knew the Lord's work was not yet complete. I woke with the spirit surrounding my bed posts. I decided to e-mail my testimony to my Wife and to pray. Today would be another day of fasting. 2 consecutive days. Our proof of what can come of fasting made me excited to sacrifice another 2 meals for an end goal that is so much more to me!
At the moment, my day continues and my spirits are amazing. I'm listening to the 180th General Conference with a smile as wide as the Sydney Harbour Bridge spread across my stupid looking face.
More importantly, I'm realising again who I am and why I am here.
I am Michael Thompson. I'm 23 years of age and I am honoured to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ. I am a happily married man to the most wonderful Wife that Heavenly Father could have linked me with and I am full of energy and full of faith to help me get through the obstacles ahead.
I never knew what inner-strength was. Now, I know the inner-me is stronger, and more mature than that of the old me!
Adios!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Trials and Tribulations
This topic came up today in Church, indirectly, through a topic on 'Why we have children'. Don't ask me how it got there- I wasn't quite listening to the whole session as my mind was jumping from one thought to the next.
tri·al [trahy-uhl, trahyl]
–noun
1. Law.
a. the examination before a judicial tribunal of the facts put in issue in a cause, often including issues of law as well as those of fact.
b. the determination of a person's guilt or innocence by due process of law.
2. the act of trying, testing, or putting to the proof.
3. test; proof.
4. an attempt or effort to do something.
trib·u·la·tion [trib-yuh-ley-shuhn]
–noun
1. grievous trouble; severe trial or suffering.
2. An instance of this; an affliction, trouble, etc.
Generally, I am afraid of stuffing up. I'm afraid of the embarrassment and humiliation it can cause, as well as the self doubt it can instill within me. I typically try to play everything safe, and even avoid confrontations in the hope that I can slide on by under the radar.
Life is a trial, a test, the final exam that will ultimately prove to ourselves, those around us and Heavenly Father that we are worth of immortality. The whole plan for us is to undertake these trials, understand them and overcome them.
Much like the story of Adam and Eve, we too need to experience 'wrong' in order to know what is right. By constantly playing the safe game and flying under the radar, I have not had the opportunity to correct my own downfalls.
Not to say I've never had to face any trials. This would be completely untrue and quite impossible. Though, I do believe I take the easy road out a lot of the times in order to save myself from confrontations. Does that make sense?
Melodie and I have, in the past, had to overcome some serious trials through our relationship. In fact, only last night we were discussing the history of 'us' and she brought up the fact that I think our relationship has been pretty easy going... Which is the truth, according to me.
However, she explained to me that that is most certainly not the case, and that she had to make some tough, executive decision very early on in our relationship. Example, the fact that she would not be married in a temple as I was not a member when he had first talked of marriage and weddings etc. At the time, it was no big deal to me where or how I were to be married, so long as it was to the woman I loved.
Again, when it came down close to the time that I was going to propose, she had to question herself and see if this is what she really wanted. Her love for me was such that she potentially sacrificed a temple wedding, as well as being sealed, for the love and trust she had in me.
Nothing comes close to the trial that was faced on those occasions.
the act of trying, testing, or putting to the proof.
To put me ahead of her own wants and needs proves the unconditional love, the bond, between us. That trial was a stepping stone in building her own character.
That was just an example of her trial. Recently, we have had a trial between us that could have kept us together, or demolished everything we had built together. A ten month long distant relationship. Thankfully, the love that was just mentioned allowed that bond to stay in place.
We have a long road ahead of us, and bumps are going to occur, much like riffs between siblings, children, parents and friends.
I think of our situation as Hurricane Katrina which tore through New Orleans in 2005. The hurricane caused widespread damage to much of the city, demolished people's homes, took lives and emptied the morale of the once vibrant city. Giving up was never an option. Some people left the city to find elsewhere to live in another city, or even state. Those who truly loved the city of New Orleans wanted to stay, to help rebuild the foundations of the city and to hopefully, one day, enjoy the vibes that New Orleans is known for.
There is a very good chance that another, more devastating hurricane, could tear through the city again and cause even more damage and death than previously. This is not a concern for those who have true love for their city because they were there. They were there when times were tough to rebuild what had been taken away from them. They were there to give their all, even when they had absolutely nothing, and it seemed like they had no way of survival.
The past ten months has been like a constant hurricane in our relationship. Causing widespread damage to the foundation of our relationship. Melodie and I are not relocating. We are not leaving one another to look for something more safe, and easier to endure. We have a lot of work ahead of us, but, we have time and love on our side.
We know what is important and we know that this trial is a stepping stone in the building of our characteristics as Husband and Wife.
tri·al [trahy-uhl, trahyl]
–noun
1. Law.
a. the examination before a judicial tribunal of the facts put in issue in a cause, often including issues of law as well as those of fact.
b. the determination of a person's guilt or innocence by due process of law.
2. the act of trying, testing, or putting to the proof.
3. test; proof.
4. an attempt or effort to do something.
trib·u·la·tion [trib-yuh-ley-shuhn]
–noun
1. grievous trouble; severe trial or suffering.
2. An instance of this; an affliction, trouble, etc.
Generally, I am afraid of stuffing up. I'm afraid of the embarrassment and humiliation it can cause, as well as the self doubt it can instill within me. I typically try to play everything safe, and even avoid confrontations in the hope that I can slide on by under the radar.
Life is a trial, a test, the final exam that will ultimately prove to ourselves, those around us and Heavenly Father that we are worth of immortality. The whole plan for us is to undertake these trials, understand them and overcome them.
Much like the story of Adam and Eve, we too need to experience 'wrong' in order to know what is right. By constantly playing the safe game and flying under the radar, I have not had the opportunity to correct my own downfalls.
Not to say I've never had to face any trials. This would be completely untrue and quite impossible. Though, I do believe I take the easy road out a lot of the times in order to save myself from confrontations. Does that make sense?
Melodie and I have, in the past, had to overcome some serious trials through our relationship. In fact, only last night we were discussing the history of 'us' and she brought up the fact that I think our relationship has been pretty easy going... Which is the truth, according to me.
However, she explained to me that that is most certainly not the case, and that she had to make some tough, executive decision very early on in our relationship. Example, the fact that she would not be married in a temple as I was not a member when he had first talked of marriage and weddings etc. At the time, it was no big deal to me where or how I were to be married, so long as it was to the woman I loved.
Again, when it came down close to the time that I was going to propose, she had to question herself and see if this is what she really wanted. Her love for me was such that she potentially sacrificed a temple wedding, as well as being sealed, for the love and trust she had in me.
Nothing comes close to the trial that was faced on those occasions.
the act of trying, testing, or putting to the proof.
To put me ahead of her own wants and needs proves the unconditional love, the bond, between us. That trial was a stepping stone in building her own character.
That was just an example of her trial. Recently, we have had a trial between us that could have kept us together, or demolished everything we had built together. A ten month long distant relationship. Thankfully, the love that was just mentioned allowed that bond to stay in place.
We have a long road ahead of us, and bumps are going to occur, much like riffs between siblings, children, parents and friends.
I think of our situation as Hurricane Katrina which tore through New Orleans in 2005. The hurricane caused widespread damage to much of the city, demolished people's homes, took lives and emptied the morale of the once vibrant city. Giving up was never an option. Some people left the city to find elsewhere to live in another city, or even state. Those who truly loved the city of New Orleans wanted to stay, to help rebuild the foundations of the city and to hopefully, one day, enjoy the vibes that New Orleans is known for.
There is a very good chance that another, more devastating hurricane, could tear through the city again and cause even more damage and death than previously. This is not a concern for those who have true love for their city because they were there. They were there when times were tough to rebuild what had been taken away from them. They were there to give their all, even when they had absolutely nothing, and it seemed like they had no way of survival.
The past ten months has been like a constant hurricane in our relationship. Causing widespread damage to the foundation of our relationship. Melodie and I are not relocating. We are not leaving one another to look for something more safe, and easier to endure. We have a lot of work ahead of us, but, we have time and love on our side.
We know what is important and we know that this trial is a stepping stone in the building of our characteristics as Husband and Wife.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Family Home Evening
Tonight, I conducted our first Family Home Evening night via the telephone. I have never attended a Family Home Evening night, let alone conducted one, so obviously I was a little nervous. As I was preparing, I asked Heavenly Father for guidance, as well as the guidance of the Holy Ghost.
Needless to say, in light of our recent blessings, I found it a fitting topic to talk about fasting.
We opened up the night with Melodie saying a quick prayer, and then continuing on with the reading of our scriptures.
I won't go through every little detail, but we spoke of The fast day and how to fast through the example of Jesus (Luke 4:1-4). We also spoke of why we pray when we fast, as well as why we should fast with a purpose.
Finally, we talked of the blessings we receive through fasting such as peace and spiritual power and how these things can help us to over come temptations, receive revelation and to do righteous acts.
I did learn that fasting should not be an event that is to be advertised. I am guilty of advertising my fasting and the reason behind it, ESPECIALLY when we had received our NOA2. However, I feel as though I was advertising is as my missionary work, to entice people to ask me more questions about the Church.
It was a beautiful evening and definitely brought Melodie and I closer... Again!! :)
Needless to say, in light of our recent blessings, I found it a fitting topic to talk about fasting.
We opened up the night with Melodie saying a quick prayer, and then continuing on with the reading of our scriptures.
I won't go through every little detail, but we spoke of The fast day and how to fast through the example of Jesus (Luke 4:1-4). We also spoke of why we pray when we fast, as well as why we should fast with a purpose.
Finally, we talked of the blessings we receive through fasting such as peace and spiritual power and how these things can help us to over come temptations, receive revelation and to do righteous acts.
I did learn that fasting should not be an event that is to be advertised. I am guilty of advertising my fasting and the reason behind it, ESPECIALLY when we had received our NOA2. However, I feel as though I was advertising is as my missionary work, to entice people to ask me more questions about the Church.
It was a beautiful evening and definitely brought Melodie and I closer... Again!! :)
The power of fasting
Our visa process is long. Longer than it should be in theory. Since we filed our petition on the 21st of September, 2009, we have been kept in the dark with absolutely no contact from USCIS to say, yes your file is being processes, or no we haven't reached your file yet. For all we knew, we could be waiting for another 12 months.
On Tuesday evening (Monday evening US time), Melodie and I were talking on the phone. We read through our scriptures as we do every other night and we said our family prayer, as we do every night. For some reason, as we were saying our own prayer in silence, while still on the phone, Melodie said "We should fast tomorrow for the first two meals".
That evening, I ate the last meal I would be having for the next 24 hours. I knelt by my bed before laying my head to rest for the evening and prayed, with sincerity, and explained to Heavenly Father the purpose for our fasting - For a quick approval of our visa petition (NOA2). I prayed for the strength for Melodie and I to endure the small sacrifice we were making.
I am very active through my line of work, and was interested to see how the lack of food would affect my day. It turned out to be an extremely hot day and as I completed my own training at 10am, I was frustrated and absolutely dirty at myself for sipping on water. My 11am client wanted to go for a soft sand walk along Manly beach. By this stage, my mouth was as dry as a towel, and I could taste the nastiness expelling from my intestines. But, I knew the reason why I was putting myself through this temporary 'pain'.
At midday, I headed back home to get some rest before I was needed back at work for 7pm. I spoke to Melodie, who had done extremely well through the whole day (Melodie is 5 hours ahead of Sydney time, so she was getting ready to eat!!). We spoke about our experiences during the day and so on.
I fell asleep, only to be woken by my boss calling me at 4:55pm saying, "you have a class to teach at 5pm"... Awesome, thanks for the heads up! haha
I got into the car to drive down to the gym only to have my BlackBerry buzzing every 2 seconds with e-mails coming through from Melodie... 'call me when you can' ...
An email had come through from vistaprint.com which, at the time of sleepiness, looked very much like VISAPRINT.com... a couple of minutes later, I received this...
I was expecting to wake up at any moment and be faced with me running late for work again... And no email from USCIS. Thankfully, that wasn't to be.
Melodie and I had completed our fasting and had done so in a sincere fashion. We were blessed by Heavenly Father much sooner than we were expecting. We had endured minor pain and discomfort for a LOT of relief and happiness!!
More importantly, this event was experienced by us, as a couple, much like the blessing of meeting each other, falling in love and having a beautiful wedding. This has added to our testimony as individuals, as well as OUR testimony as a family.
On Tuesday evening (Monday evening US time), Melodie and I were talking on the phone. We read through our scriptures as we do every other night and we said our family prayer, as we do every night. For some reason, as we were saying our own prayer in silence, while still on the phone, Melodie said "We should fast tomorrow for the first two meals".
That evening, I ate the last meal I would be having for the next 24 hours. I knelt by my bed before laying my head to rest for the evening and prayed, with sincerity, and explained to Heavenly Father the purpose for our fasting - For a quick approval of our visa petition (NOA2). I prayed for the strength for Melodie and I to endure the small sacrifice we were making.
I am very active through my line of work, and was interested to see how the lack of food would affect my day. It turned out to be an extremely hot day and as I completed my own training at 10am, I was frustrated and absolutely dirty at myself for sipping on water. My 11am client wanted to go for a soft sand walk along Manly beach. By this stage, my mouth was as dry as a towel, and I could taste the nastiness expelling from my intestines. But, I knew the reason why I was putting myself through this temporary 'pain'.
At midday, I headed back home to get some rest before I was needed back at work for 7pm. I spoke to Melodie, who had done extremely well through the whole day (Melodie is 5 hours ahead of Sydney time, so she was getting ready to eat!!). We spoke about our experiences during the day and so on.
I fell asleep, only to be woken by my boss calling me at 4:55pm saying, "you have a class to teach at 5pm"... Awesome, thanks for the heads up! haha
I got into the car to drive down to the gym only to have my BlackBerry buzzing every 2 seconds with e-mails coming through from Melodie... 'call me when you can' ...
An email had come through from vistaprint.com which, at the time of sleepiness, looked very much like VISAPRINT.com... a couple of minutes later, I received this...
*** DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS E-MAIL ***
The last processing action taken on your case
Receipt Number: WAC0935112XXX
Application Type: I130 , IMMIGRANT PETITION FOR RELATIVE, FIANCE(E), OR ORPHAN
Current Status: Approval notice sent.
On January 26, 2010, we mailed you a notice that we have approved this
I130 IMMIGRANT PETITION FOR RELATIVE, FIANCE(E), OR ORPHAN.
I was expecting to wake up at any moment and be faced with me running late for work again... And no email from USCIS. Thankfully, that wasn't to be.
Melodie and I had completed our fasting and had done so in a sincere fashion. We were blessed by Heavenly Father much sooner than we were expecting. We had endured minor pain and discomfort for a LOT of relief and happiness!!
More importantly, this event was experienced by us, as a couple, much like the blessing of meeting each other, falling in love and having a beautiful wedding. This has added to our testimony as individuals, as well as OUR testimony as a family.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Building the Relationship
Setting the scene...
"I can't come to terms with loving anyone else more than you".
Melodie and I were reading the scriptures over the phone as we do most evenings and the discussion came up afterwards about the love we share for Heavenly Father. Even before things became serious between Melodie and I, I knew that Heavenly Father was number 1 and I respected that. I went on to explain about my slight jealousy towards their relationship. Melodie had grown up in the Church, whereas I am a recent 'convert', so I guess I haven't had that extensive time to build on that relationship. Not to the extent of Melodie's, or anyone else that is brought up in the Church
I finally got to make my first appearance at Church for 2010. It was quite a shakey start at first with unforseen car troubles the first week, and then a pretty bad illness the second week. I could definitely feel the weight on my shoulders as the days passed.
I found my seat in the chapel quite quickly, and had a sudden feeling that I was out of place. Almost like I didn't belong there. Something wasn't quite right.
The theme for today's sacrament meeting was "Obedience to the Gospel". The point came across quite quickly. To receive good blessings and eternal living, one must firstly Respect, understand and obey the commandments. The greatest commandment- "You should love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind".
This hit me immediately and I thought about my relationship with Heavenly Father. He is the creator of all things around me and the creator of me. Because I have love for Heavenly Father, it does not take away the love I have for my Wife, or my family or my friends. In fact, having that love for Heavenly Father increases the love I have for my Wife, my family and friends.
The most valuable lesson I took from today was the importance of Church for it had replenished the energy my spirit demanded. Reading of your scriptures and prayer helps to maintain the relationship, but I find attending Church is what helps to build upon that.
"I can't come to terms with loving anyone else more than you".
Melodie and I were reading the scriptures over the phone as we do most evenings and the discussion came up afterwards about the love we share for Heavenly Father. Even before things became serious between Melodie and I, I knew that Heavenly Father was number 1 and I respected that. I went on to explain about my slight jealousy towards their relationship. Melodie had grown up in the Church, whereas I am a recent 'convert', so I guess I haven't had that extensive time to build on that relationship. Not to the extent of Melodie's, or anyone else that is brought up in the Church
I finally got to make my first appearance at Church for 2010. It was quite a shakey start at first with unforseen car troubles the first week, and then a pretty bad illness the second week. I could definitely feel the weight on my shoulders as the days passed.
I found my seat in the chapel quite quickly, and had a sudden feeling that I was out of place. Almost like I didn't belong there. Something wasn't quite right.
The theme for today's sacrament meeting was "Obedience to the Gospel". The point came across quite quickly. To receive good blessings and eternal living, one must firstly Respect, understand and obey the commandments. The greatest commandment- "You should love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind".
This hit me immediately and I thought about my relationship with Heavenly Father. He is the creator of all things around me and the creator of me. Because I have love for Heavenly Father, it does not take away the love I have for my Wife, or my family or my friends. In fact, having that love for Heavenly Father increases the love I have for my Wife, my family and friends.
The most valuable lesson I took from today was the importance of Church for it had replenished the energy my spirit demanded. Reading of your scriptures and prayer helps to maintain the relationship, but I find attending Church is what helps to build upon that.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder.
I remember back to June 27th, 2009. This was the date that I said good-bye to Melodie. We knew this separation was imminent and there was nothing we could do to delay its conclusion. We had opted for this option, as a couple, as we knew it to be the most appropriate route for our future arrangements- That is for me to move over to California. Due to Melodie's visa restrictions here in Australia, there was no other alternative.
The following months passed extremely slowly. I was working the same job, coming home to the same apartment and living the same old lifestyle, only, I was missing something that was apart of me. In fact, I missed it so much, that I felt myself changing. My manners had diminished, my sense of humour was stale and I couldn't, no, I didn't find the time to socialise with anybody else.
For those of you who have found true love and have experienced it day in / day out, knows how hard it is to suddenly lose that. My heart would physically ache, so bad at times that I thought I was on the verge of having a heart attack. I had heard people use the term "broken-hearted" before, but never did I ever think that it was possibe to have a feeling such as the above mentioned.
It wasn't until Christmas time just passed that I was finally able to be with my Wife again. After 6 long, hard months we were able to share the love between us again. I was able to find my politeness, people thought I was funny again (errr....???) and I didn't mind a bit of socialising here and there haha.
So, what does this have to do with my spiritual journey?
I was baptised on 23rd December, 2009. I was confirmed on 27th December, 2009. That was my last day in Church since then.
The following Sunday, I was running late, only to find out I had a flat battery and was unable to make it to Church. As for this weekend, well, it's Tuesday now, and I'm only just starting to get over an illness that I've had for the past 4 days. Melodie suggest trying to make it only to sacrament. Unfortunately, I didn't. That turned out to be a good thing because I wouldn 't have made it even part of the way through :(
The distance I've experienced from Church and its community has made my heart grow fonder. Although I have kept up my prayers, as well as reading of the scriptures, there's still that part of me that doesn't feel fully satisfied. It's kind of like getting a cheeseburger meal from McDonalds and only eating the fries and drinking the drink. Wait, did I just compare Church and Heavenly Father to McDonalds and Ronald McDonald? Well, no... Purely just a lame attempt at an analogy. Isaac would have liked it.
This Sunday is not coming quick enough. Although I repent on sins daily and I pray for forgiveness, the feeling of not attending Church for whatever the reason, slowly eats away at you until that "Heart broken" feeling returns. It returns in the form of self loathing. This is not a feeling that I want to feel week after week.
I can make it happen!
The following months passed extremely slowly. I was working the same job, coming home to the same apartment and living the same old lifestyle, only, I was missing something that was apart of me. In fact, I missed it so much, that I felt myself changing. My manners had diminished, my sense of humour was stale and I couldn't, no, I didn't find the time to socialise with anybody else.
For those of you who have found true love and have experienced it day in / day out, knows how hard it is to suddenly lose that. My heart would physically ache, so bad at times that I thought I was on the verge of having a heart attack. I had heard people use the term "broken-hearted" before, but never did I ever think that it was possibe to have a feeling such as the above mentioned.
It wasn't until Christmas time just passed that I was finally able to be with my Wife again. After 6 long, hard months we were able to share the love between us again. I was able to find my politeness, people thought I was funny again (errr....???) and I didn't mind a bit of socialising here and there haha.
So, what does this have to do with my spiritual journey?
I was baptised on 23rd December, 2009. I was confirmed on 27th December, 2009. That was my last day in Church since then.
The following Sunday, I was running late, only to find out I had a flat battery and was unable to make it to Church. As for this weekend, well, it's Tuesday now, and I'm only just starting to get over an illness that I've had for the past 4 days. Melodie suggest trying to make it only to sacrament. Unfortunately, I didn't. That turned out to be a good thing because I wouldn 't have made it even part of the way through :(
The distance I've experienced from Church and its community has made my heart grow fonder. Although I have kept up my prayers, as well as reading of the scriptures, there's still that part of me that doesn't feel fully satisfied. It's kind of like getting a cheeseburger meal from McDonalds and only eating the fries and drinking the drink. Wait, did I just compare Church and Heavenly Father to McDonalds and Ronald McDonald? Well, no... Purely just a lame attempt at an analogy. Isaac would have liked it.
This Sunday is not coming quick enough. Although I repent on sins daily and I pray for forgiveness, the feeling of not attending Church for whatever the reason, slowly eats away at you until that "Heart broken" feeling returns. It returns in the form of self loathing. This is not a feeling that I want to feel week after week.
I can make it happen!
Monday, January 4, 2010
My Testimony
So, I wrote my testimony down about a month ago. And then, I lost my testimony. It was awkward to see the look on Melodie's face when I said that. Then, I realized what I said. I meant that I lost my physical testimony...
But, it went a little something like this...
My journey started, unknowingly, 22 years ago. I had grown up in a house hold where religion was evident, but never explained. I attended classes that were 'Religious' but never captivating to my attentive needs. I had prayed, but never knew who I was talking to.
At age three, I was diagnosed with a meningitis. A life threatening disease which saw the lives of 7 young people taken away in my area within the weeks I was hospitalized. The left half of my body was limp and not a single muscle was able to be used. I could not even smile. I was number 8. My body, my mind and my heart had given up, and I was ready to succumbe to its wrath. I was dead. The Doctors were amazed at tens-of-millions of white blood cells that were fighting the disease through and through. Normally, this number should be in its thousands.
Typically, I have always been one to shrug of incidents of this nature as pure luck- no more, no less. I was lucky that my body really had not given up. That, something inside of me perked up and kept the fight going.
My utter ignorance is what gave me this belief. Knowing what I know now, I would be a fool to express gratitude to 'luck' for this event.
The only expression of gratitude is towards Heavenly Father for giving me the strength and the spirit to endure through the pain suffering.
"Coincidence is the one thing that brought me to meet my Wife" is what I WOULD be saying if I did not know what I know now. Through my line of work, I came to take the opportunity to share my line of work on a cruise ship. Prior to obtaining a ship to work on, I had to spend a couple of weeks in London for further education. The normal wait for a ship was about 2 weeks. I made a lot of friends, and I celebrated with them as they, one by one, got given ships to go work on. I made new friends that came into this academy, and said good-bye to them. After 6 weeks, I finally had by ship set up. Holland-America's MS Maasdam. The MS What? This was not a cruise line I had heard of, nor did it sound like a ship that I could write home to my friends and family and explain my excitement of the MS Maasdam. I hadn't been on the ship for more than 2 weeks when I met Melodie.
Coincidence? No! Luck? Doesn't exist! There was no other reasong for me to stay in London, other than to wait for the MS Maasdam to become available to me so that I could have the opportunity of meeting my future wife.
Even as a personal trainer, I had fallen into the sociably acceptable habits of smoking and drinking. They were not habits I enjoyed in the sense, but a habit nonetheless. Since taking this journey recently, reading the scriptures, praying and learning of eternal life with the ones that I love, I have not wished for a sip of alcohol, nor a puff of tobacco. The choice is extremely easy.
I believe that Joseph Smith was the First true prophet of the Church. I know that his Father believed him and his recollection of the first revelation and I know that any man, when faced by death, chooses to stand up for what he believes rather than disregard it for the sake of saving himself has true belief and love.
I believe in our Modern day prophet Thomas S. Monson and thoroughly enjoy the sincerity of his talks as well as himself as a Messenger of God.
I believe the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true Church of Jesus Christ and I am honored and grateful to be apart of this Kingdom here on Earth.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ.
Amen.
But, it went a little something like this...
My journey started, unknowingly, 22 years ago. I had grown up in a house hold where religion was evident, but never explained. I attended classes that were 'Religious' but never captivating to my attentive needs. I had prayed, but never knew who I was talking to.
At age three, I was diagnosed with a meningitis. A life threatening disease which saw the lives of 7 young people taken away in my area within the weeks I was hospitalized. The left half of my body was limp and not a single muscle was able to be used. I could not even smile. I was number 8. My body, my mind and my heart had given up, and I was ready to succumbe to its wrath. I was dead. The Doctors were amazed at tens-of-millions of white blood cells that were fighting the disease through and through. Normally, this number should be in its thousands.
Typically, I have always been one to shrug of incidents of this nature as pure luck- no more, no less. I was lucky that my body really had not given up. That, something inside of me perked up and kept the fight going.
My utter ignorance is what gave me this belief. Knowing what I know now, I would be a fool to express gratitude to 'luck' for this event.
The only expression of gratitude is towards Heavenly Father for giving me the strength and the spirit to endure through the pain suffering.
"Coincidence is the one thing that brought me to meet my Wife" is what I WOULD be saying if I did not know what I know now. Through my line of work, I came to take the opportunity to share my line of work on a cruise ship. Prior to obtaining a ship to work on, I had to spend a couple of weeks in London for further education. The normal wait for a ship was about 2 weeks. I made a lot of friends, and I celebrated with them as they, one by one, got given ships to go work on. I made new friends that came into this academy, and said good-bye to them. After 6 weeks, I finally had by ship set up. Holland-America's MS Maasdam. The MS What? This was not a cruise line I had heard of, nor did it sound like a ship that I could write home to my friends and family and explain my excitement of the MS Maasdam. I hadn't been on the ship for more than 2 weeks when I met Melodie.
Coincidence? No! Luck? Doesn't exist! There was no other reasong for me to stay in London, other than to wait for the MS Maasdam to become available to me so that I could have the opportunity of meeting my future wife.
Even as a personal trainer, I had fallen into the sociably acceptable habits of smoking and drinking. They were not habits I enjoyed in the sense, but a habit nonetheless. Since taking this journey recently, reading the scriptures, praying and learning of eternal life with the ones that I love, I have not wished for a sip of alcohol, nor a puff of tobacco. The choice is extremely easy.
I believe that Joseph Smith was the First true prophet of the Church. I know that his Father believed him and his recollection of the first revelation and I know that any man, when faced by death, chooses to stand up for what he believes rather than disregard it for the sake of saving himself has true belief and love.
I believe in our Modern day prophet Thomas S. Monson and thoroughly enjoy the sincerity of his talks as well as himself as a Messenger of God.
I believe the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true Church of Jesus Christ and I am honored and grateful to be apart of this Kingdom here on Earth.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ.
Amen.
Mike!! Mike? Where are you?
HERE I AM!!!
So, what have I learned since my last entry??? Never, ever write pages and pages and pages of notes at General Conference, THEN, try to summarize and describe your feelings on them in a blog. During General Conference, you don't realize how many notes you actually take (well, according to most, including my ward's Bishop, I seem to be some king of note taking freak! haha [Not necessarily in those words]).
So much has happened since my last postings... Where to begin.??
Well... No, maybe I won't begin there. Let's go back a little further.
I experienced complacency in regards to my scripture readings, which was very difficult for me to over come. I kept telling myself "I was GOING to", which was kind of like a fall-back for me. Yeah, I'm GOING to read my scriptures... Just not now :-) Thankfully, I'm back into it and looking forward to another splendid reading this evening with my beautiful wife over the phone.
So, I got baptized. "YOU WHAT?" Yeah, I thought that might come as a suprise to most. I figured, heck, what have I got to lose?
No, seriously. As I have mentioned before, I have known for some time that the right thing for me to do was to be baptized. To make the sacred covenant, wash myself clean of sin and let myself loose through the gates and follow the holy trail led by the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Believe me, I would have done it sooner, but I felt the right thing to do would be to have Melodie there. Not so that she could hold my hand and help me through the process (which she did anyway), but so she could be there to witness it and share in the experience.
23rd December, 2009
The baptism was set for 7pm on this very night. I could still hear Elder Nelson in my ear... "Make sure you bring 2 white shirts, a white T-shirt and white underwear and a change of underwear". Wow, it was almost like going away on school camp again!
I was supposed to be at the Church at 6:30pm. The time was 6:30pm. Low and behold, I realised, I don't own any white underwear. "Do you think they'll mind if I wear these red ones, Melodie?" By the look on her face, I assumed a 'no' so I turned away and kept rummaging through my junk. As time was winding down, we realized that we had to try our luck at the local supermarket. Luckily, I had not been washed of my sins yet, so I sped down to the supermarket and we ran in to look for some. Black, grey or navy is all they had to offer. It was either that, or womens underwear. I knew heavenly father would not appreciate me being baptized in womens underwear. I finally found a 6 pack of white at another store and we were on our way to Church.
We got there at about 6:50pm. I was able to get changed with Elder Nelson beatboxing and Modlik rapping 'be still, my soul'. I now know how they have been so successful Gq'ing on the streets of the Ghet... I mean, the Beaches.
To my disappointment, they didn't have a white tie for me to wear. I offered Elder Modliks tie to myself, but apparently he 'NEEDED' one, so I couldn't look like I was doing a new Boyz II Men music vid. It's all good though, I enjoyed rocking the white shirt and pants with no shoes.
A friend of mine from Church, Isaac te'u, gave a talk on baptism. It was cool to hear him talk about it and his views on Baptism, and how he felt it would help me. I was suprised when he started to choke on his words towards the end of his talk, but could definitely feel the sincerity and the love behind his words.
Melodie gave a short talk on the Holy Ghost, who and what the Holy Ghost actually was, how and when it should be used and other cool stuff like that. I surely was excited to have my Wife fly across from the US to be there, and having her talk made it that much more special.
THEN I WAS DUMPED. It was kind of nerve racking. Hold your hands like this, bend your knees like that, don't bang your head on the tiled walls etc etc. So many instructions, I was sure I was going to stuff something up. Wasn't to happen though, everything went smoothly and I came up, out of the water clean and feeling like a new spirit inside.
I had a few minutes to contemplate what just went down as I was drying myself off and getting changed. Awesome Mike, you forgot socks... Whatever...
There was no going back to what just happened. And I didn't want to. Everything felt so right.
That feeling was backed up by Melodie singing 'Be still, my soul' accompanied by Sister Manwell on the piano. That particular hymn seemed to be a running theme for the evening and it sat very well in the pit of my stomach.
The baptism was followed by a tremendous feast consisting of any kind of food you could possibly think of. Well, kind of. there was some tuna salad, some pizza, some chicken, some other stuff and it was all grand!
Christmas came and went and I was back at Church on Sunday 27 December, 2009. Today was the day of confirmation. I was asked by Bishop to arrive at Church at 8:30am for an interview he wanted to conduct with me. I agreed (as if I was going to say 'no') and made the awesome effort to be there right on time. He explained to me what would happen today and what he thought of my progress thus far. He then told be that, today during Elders Quorum, I would be ordained into the Aaronic priesthood.
Since my Baptism, and confirmation, I have felt a great deal of peace within. My stress has decreased and I find I have a lot more patience. More importantly, I find that I'm more aware of my actions and reprecussions the might have the near future. I feel as though it has improved my relationship with my Wife. Not that we needed our relationship to improve,but we are both on common ground and I feel something that has been apart of her Life since she can remember.
People were telling me months and months ago, "Mike, if you take this journey, you will be happy."
I'm happy to say I recognise that true, everlasting happiness and I'm proud to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
So, what have I learned since my last entry??? Never, ever write pages and pages and pages of notes at General Conference, THEN, try to summarize and describe your feelings on them in a blog. During General Conference, you don't realize how many notes you actually take (well, according to most, including my ward's Bishop, I seem to be some king of note taking freak! haha [Not necessarily in those words]).
So much has happened since my last postings... Where to begin.??
Well... No, maybe I won't begin there. Let's go back a little further.
I experienced complacency in regards to my scripture readings, which was very difficult for me to over come. I kept telling myself "I was GOING to", which was kind of like a fall-back for me. Yeah, I'm GOING to read my scriptures... Just not now :-) Thankfully, I'm back into it and looking forward to another splendid reading this evening with my beautiful wife over the phone.
So, I got baptized. "YOU WHAT?" Yeah, I thought that might come as a suprise to most. I figured, heck, what have I got to lose?
No, seriously. As I have mentioned before, I have known for some time that the right thing for me to do was to be baptized. To make the sacred covenant, wash myself clean of sin and let myself loose through the gates and follow the holy trail led by the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Believe me, I would have done it sooner, but I felt the right thing to do would be to have Melodie there. Not so that she could hold my hand and help me through the process (which she did anyway), but so she could be there to witness it and share in the experience.
23rd December, 2009
The baptism was set for 7pm on this very night. I could still hear Elder Nelson in my ear... "Make sure you bring 2 white shirts, a white T-shirt and white underwear and a change of underwear". Wow, it was almost like going away on school camp again!
I was supposed to be at the Church at 6:30pm. The time was 6:30pm. Low and behold, I realised, I don't own any white underwear. "Do you think they'll mind if I wear these red ones, Melodie?" By the look on her face, I assumed a 'no' so I turned away and kept rummaging through my junk. As time was winding down, we realized that we had to try our luck at the local supermarket. Luckily, I had not been washed of my sins yet, so I sped down to the supermarket and we ran in to look for some. Black, grey or navy is all they had to offer. It was either that, or womens underwear. I knew heavenly father would not appreciate me being baptized in womens underwear. I finally found a 6 pack of white at another store and we were on our way to Church.
We got there at about 6:50pm. I was able to get changed with Elder Nelson beatboxing and Modlik rapping 'be still, my soul'. I now know how they have been so successful Gq'ing on the streets of the Ghet... I mean, the Beaches.
To my disappointment, they didn't have a white tie for me to wear. I offered Elder Modliks tie to myself, but apparently he 'NEEDED' one, so I couldn't look like I was doing a new Boyz II Men music vid. It's all good though, I enjoyed rocking the white shirt and pants with no shoes.
A friend of mine from Church, Isaac te'u, gave a talk on baptism. It was cool to hear him talk about it and his views on Baptism, and how he felt it would help me. I was suprised when he started to choke on his words towards the end of his talk, but could definitely feel the sincerity and the love behind his words.
Melodie gave a short talk on the Holy Ghost, who and what the Holy Ghost actually was, how and when it should be used and other cool stuff like that. I surely was excited to have my Wife fly across from the US to be there, and having her talk made it that much more special.
THEN I WAS DUMPED. It was kind of nerve racking. Hold your hands like this, bend your knees like that, don't bang your head on the tiled walls etc etc. So many instructions, I was sure I was going to stuff something up. Wasn't to happen though, everything went smoothly and I came up, out of the water clean and feeling like a new spirit inside.
I had a few minutes to contemplate what just went down as I was drying myself off and getting changed. Awesome Mike, you forgot socks... Whatever...
There was no going back to what just happened. And I didn't want to. Everything felt so right.
That feeling was backed up by Melodie singing 'Be still, my soul' accompanied by Sister Manwell on the piano. That particular hymn seemed to be a running theme for the evening and it sat very well in the pit of my stomach.
The baptism was followed by a tremendous feast consisting of any kind of food you could possibly think of. Well, kind of. there was some tuna salad, some pizza, some chicken, some other stuff and it was all grand!
Christmas came and went and I was back at Church on Sunday 27 December, 2009. Today was the day of confirmation. I was asked by Bishop to arrive at Church at 8:30am for an interview he wanted to conduct with me. I agreed (as if I was going to say 'no') and made the awesome effort to be there right on time. He explained to me what would happen today and what he thought of my progress thus far. He then told be that, today during Elders Quorum, I would be ordained into the Aaronic priesthood.
Since my Baptism, and confirmation, I have felt a great deal of peace within. My stress has decreased and I find I have a lot more patience. More importantly, I find that I'm more aware of my actions and reprecussions the might have the near future. I feel as though it has improved my relationship with my Wife. Not that we needed our relationship to improve,but we are both on common ground and I feel something that has been apart of her Life since she can remember.
People were telling me months and months ago, "Mike, if you take this journey, you will be happy."
I'm happy to say I recognise that true, everlasting happiness and I'm proud to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
Sunday, October 11, 2009
General Conference
October 10th and 11th, 2009
Chapel, Harbord Ward
36 pages of notes
It scares me to think of what Melodie had said to me the week before last. "Pray for General Conference. Pray, and ask of what you want to be told". I did this for three nights straight as new things came to me. Throughout the 2 days of watching, I felt like General Conference had been put on for me, and me only
There was such a build up to this weekend from many different sources. Firstly, from my own curiosity and wanting to know what General Conference was about. Then, from the Missionaries from what they said during the lessons. Finally, from my Wife as she had watched half of it live the week before.
And, so it begins...
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DAY ONE
General Conference was to kick off at 1:15pm on Saturday 10th, October, 2009. I was keen to get there early as not only was Harbord going to be at the Chapel, but so too were Manly and Greenwhich Wards. I wanted to get a good seat, so that I could take it all in without any distractions. When I arrived, I saw Gabrielle, Chelsea's Husband cleaning the glass windows as the entrance. I said "G'day" to him, asked about Chelsea then had a quick look around. The time was about 12:55pm and there was NO ONE there. I used the next 10 or so minutes to help Gabe with the windows and what not.
The following ten minutes was used to find my seat, get comfortable and say a prayer to kick off the session. As I finished off, I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to see Brother Mafoa there. We had a quick chat about the lesson earlier in the week and he gave me a quick insight of what to expect over the next two days.
People slowly started flowing through the doors, and, although they had set up chairs through the back of the Chapel and all the way through the hall, they were not needed for Saturday. Seemed to me that Saturday's session wasn't high up on the 'to do' list. Then again, families may have been watching it from home, together.
The Bishop of the Manly ward stood before us, welcomed us, and said a prayer.
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Introduction
Although I had had a sneaky peek at the Intro during the week on the internet, I was still eager to see the Conference Center in all its glory! The feelings I felt on Wednesday when I saw it still hit home strongly when I watched it again on Saturday. The shear size of the Center, the people that fill it and the music protruding from its tall pipes and number of mouths were something to gaze at it total awe.
If there were a manual on 'how to conduct a Conference' then, there's proof that the Mormons would have written it.
I can picture it as clear as day in my head. What stands out to me first and foremost is the peace within the Center. Yes, I say that a lot. But the peace is evidence in itself of the faith and belief that not only you guys hold, but so do I! The blue backdrop, the hundred (or more) pipes reaching for the sky, the Choir sitting and standing in sync and dressed in uniform. The flowers delicately placed throughout the Center. The men and women sitting whom looked of high importance. And, Finally, the mass crown that filled each and every seat, not only in the Center itself, but also our Chapel and Chapels around the World.
Henry Eyring was to conduct the first session and he gave a brief overview of the coming talks. John M. Madson (of the Seventy) had said the opening prayer. From that moment, I knew, from the emotion leaving his mouth that this was going to be an enlightening weekend.
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Thomas S. Monson (Opening)
We desire that as many members as possible have an opportunity to attend the temple without having to travel inordinate distances.
I have watched a view videos of Thomas S. Monson from lds.org and have recognized the sincerity and love of this man.
Watching him open the Conference, I felt the same. I could feel his sincerity as he stared down the camera upon the silent Chapel.
Some good information came from the President, such as the construction of new temples, 16 of which are under construction, along with another 5 to be built in the near future.
He also said that, due to the growth of the Church and the Temples themselves, 83% of LDS members live within 200 miles of a Temple. I'm no mathematician, but they're some decent numbers!
He then praised the work of the Missionaries around the World, and have thanks for their efforts, as well as welcoming new members and to ensure current members do the same, and to be-friend the new converts.
However, I know the member did not need to be told this. As a new (un-baptized) convert, I felt the friendships and warmth within the Church.
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Elder Richard Scott (of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles)
By careful practice, through the application of correct principles, and by being sensative to the feelings that come, you will gain spiritual guidance.
This man, for me, started off the session very well. He was direct, to the point, sincere, humble and emotional. You could feel the feelings he felt when he spoke.
He addressed the Conference with authority and self assurance which definitely helped in his favor considering the topic- TO ACQUIRE SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE.
Firstly, he was to speak to us of communication and how we can better ourselves. He mentioned that he, personally, does not leave his bed until he has bowed before the Lord. This simple method of communication seemed to be a mutual topic amongst all those who addressed the conference.
He later spoke of personal inspiration. The use of personal inspiration to seek our own answers, and to let our personal inspiration to guide us through tough decisions. What I took from this was that, and I am guilty of this too, though when people (not all) pray, they pray looking for answers. This is their first form of seeking an answer- to turn to the Lord.
I think of my younger days when I would have a difficult Maths question, or when I didn't understand a particular word. Without attempting to figure it out myself, I would go to my Mother of Father, Brother or Sister and ask them to explain it to me. Sometimes they would, however, in most cases they would guide me to another place where I could find the help needed to figure it out- such as a dictionary for a tough word. They would not give me the answer, but they gave me the answer to find the answer... If that makes sense?
Had they of just given the end answer whenever I asked for help, then I would not have learned a valuable lesson. This works in the same way with prayer and communication between us as beings and our Heavenly Father. To pray for an answer, and only an answer is weak, and it shows that we are too dependant on our Heavenly Father (Not to say we should not be dependent) but we should also be able to find that personal inspiration first.
Vicki Matsumori explains her feelings and her experiences with the Baptism and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost. As an 8-year-old, she was the first of her family to join the Church. She expected to feel a lot more when brought up out of the water, but only felt 'dripping wet'. She said that it wasn't until the next day, while hearing of a man's testimony, that she felt "A flood of warmth overcome me". I too have felt that warmth from listening to people's own testimonies, whether it be from an elderly lady, a young man, or a very young girl. As people share their beliefs with me and their testimonies, I hang off the end of each and every syllable.
This got me thinking. I know I was Baptized into another Church at a young age, and I'm yet to 'convert' officially. In the notebook I took to G.C. I wrote:
I feel a lot of happiness, joy and peace day-to-day. Is that the Holy Spirit inviting itself to me? Or, have I already invited it into my heart?
Tough questions to answer, but the only way to know is to enter through the Gate and receive the gift through Baptism. That way, I'll know what I have received and what I have.
Vicki also explained surrounding yourself with the right Environment to let the Spirit flourish. I believe I have done a 'job well-done' in regards to this. My environment has changed dramatically in the past few weeks where, previously, I would feel nothing walking into ANY Church. Now, I cannot get enough of the place, nor can I get enough of the members and what they have to say.
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Elder L. Whitney Clayton (of the Seventy)
Burdens provide opportunities to practice virtues and contribute to eventual perfection.
I feel that I am at a stage in my life (ALREADY!) where burdens are slowly creeping up and attaching themselves to me without me knowing. Each one that attaches itself slowly keeps me back from being my true self, and living how I believe life should be lived.
To know that Elder Clayton would be talking on a topic that I prayed about was quite scary, but, so very exciting!
He began his talk with the emotional, as well as the physical burdens that are placed on us in today's modern World. They can be worrisome, oppressive, and exhausting. The three sources, generally, of where burdens come from are:
1/ The World in which we live (disease and illness, natural disasters, death)
2/ Imposed by others (addiction, abuse, crime, gossip)
3/ Through our own ways of Sin (remorse and pain- disobeying and failing the Commandments)
The burdens, as Elder Clayton so delicately put it, come from the plan of our Heavenly Father to allow us to grow and progress through our unique experiences that prepares us to return to him. The burdens we experience are rarely life-long burdens. Many that come from the main three sources are short-term in regards to the length of our lives here on Earth. We need to be able to "Carry burdens well, no matter how long they last". Whether they be physical, financial or spiritual, we grow from dealing with these burdens and overcoming them with our own personal inspiration, as well as help and guidance from our Heavenly Father.
However, life-long burdens can be a blessing in disguise. "Work is a continual burden, but, a continual blessing". Not only do we have something active to do during our days, not only are we earning a living to keep clothes on our back, food on the table and a roof over our heads, but, we are also constantly learning each day we go to work.
A physical life-long burden, for example, can also be a blessing, as it has the power to allow an individual with a life-long physical burden to overcome it and grow beyond our own imagination.
At first, it was difficult to see, and still is at times- the burden of being separated from the one I love so much. God, Heavenly Father, how could you let this happen? Why would you split us so soon after our marriage?
Had Melodie and I not have physically separated, then I could not say with 100% certainty that I would have embarked upon this journey. If I had not have embarked upon this journey, then I would never have grown as much as I have in the past weeks. And, I would not have released my Spiritual Potential.
God guided Melodie and I to the decision we made. We didn't base this decision on religion, or beliefs, but God knew that this would happen... (Secretly, I think Mel knew too).
Yes, separation is a burden, more than any other burden I have encountered in my life, whether it be through my family, through finances, or anything else. However, I have had the pleasure and help from my loving Wife to help bare that burden. And thats what it comes down to. Helping each other with burdens so that the final outcome, when all burdens are minimized, is a strong, loving relationship between husband and wife and Heavenly Father.
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Brother Russell T. Osguthorpe (President of Sunday School)
We teach key doctrine, invite learners to do the work God has for them, and then promise that blessings will surely come.
I didn't get much out of this talk QUANTITY wise, instead, I got the quality
To teach the gospel is to save lives/spirits.
When I first decided to embark on this Spiritual Journey, I asked for the help of a friend, Paul, to teach me a bit of what he knows. He was kind enough to give up his time, as well as another guy Isaac, to come around and share with me their beliefs, their thoughts and what the Church stood for.
What I found helped a lot was that it was 3 guys, of similar age, sitting around, eating pizza and sharing experiences. They came to my home without their Bibles, without their formal dress and they spoke to me as mates.
Brother Osguthorpe quoted something said by President Monson:
"The goal of Gospel teaching . . . is not to pour information into the minds of class members . . . The aim is to inspire the individual to think about, feel about, and then do something about living gospel principles" (1970 Oct G.C.)
Isaac and Paul had hit the nail on the head. They had intrigued me, and inspired me. They did not read verse after verse of meaningless balony. Instead, I took the inspiration and read that balony with myself and with Melodie. I soon came to realize that it was not balony. In fact, they held some of the most deepest messages I had ever read.
All teachers are messengers from God.
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Elder David Bednar (Quorum of the Twelve Apostles)
We can become more diligent and concerned at home as we are more faithful in learning, living, and loving the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.
My favorite speaker in terms of bringing in some light-hearted humor to the emotional conference. He definitely did not lose the focus and concentration of those who were laughing. Diligence and Concern in the home was most definitely a topic of which I had been hoping would be talked about. Now, I didn't necessarily pray for 'Diligence and Concern', in fact, I didn't even know what Elder Bednar would be speaking of exactly when the topic came up.
1/ Express Love And Show It
Elder Bednar begun with an amusing story of a particular man, baring his testimony in his Ward. This man spoke of his beliefs, and faith. At the end of his testimony, he took a quick moment to express his Love for his Wife. This was shared in front of his Wife, his children, the Bishop, members of the Ward as well as the visitors. Some would think this was sweet and brave. However, Elder Bednar brought up this story because this particular man didn't express these feelings at home- in the privacy of the family- which is the most important place to express it.
Not only is it to be within the privacy of a home, or within the intimacy of a couple, but it is to be sincere and frequent. When does the time come that saying "I love you" becomes a bad thing? Never! I never get tired of hearing how much I am loved. And, I know that I do get a bit anxious when I do not hear it enough. It can seem a bit repetitive and monotonous for the person saying it. For example, someone might say it so often that they feel the words 'I love you' are losing their effect. Thus, sincerity plays a large part. If someone was to tell me they loved me on the hour, every hour for a year, it would not bore nor tire me, unless it was said without sincerity. Say it, mean it, show it. Never assume that you know how the other one feels, because as I learned from a friend of mine- "When you 'assume', you make an ASS of YOU n ME"
I know and I believe (and I hope I have some back up), that I am one that will not let a day pass without telling my soulmate how much love I have for her. I know, that she knows that I love her. I know that. But if I don't say it on one day, then I have lost out on that day to express my love.
2/ Bare Testimony and Live It
A Testimony is something that still confuses me to this day. I know that through a testimony, you are testifying your beliefs and faith. That makes sense to me. And, that everyone who begins, and continues, a journey such as this will have a Testimony, positive or negative. Mine is only just starting out, but I feel as though it is flourishing!
I have tried to bare my Testimony with those around me (not forceful- but what I have learned and what I believe). In the beginning, people were a little hesitant due to their beliefs/faith/religion, but I have found them to open up a little more and hear of my journey. To see what I have learned and how I have changed<------- That word is what leads me to the next part. Living your Testimony. I have changed so much in the past few weeks for the better, and I have done this through belief of the atonement, belief in Our Heavenly Father and Our Savior, Jesus Christ, belief in the Holy Ghost and belief in eternal life. These are just a few. But, because I no longer drink, does that make me a bad person? Because I no longer smoke, does that make me a bad person? Because I no longer swear (as much...) does that make me a bad person? No, of course not. Now, doing those things never made me a 'bad person' as such, but it wasn't who I am. It wasn't the kid I grew up as, and it wasn't what I was taught to be right. It was just sociable habit. I have refound my social skills, I guess you could say, through being able to socialise without a drink or cigarette in my hand, and without the need to swear to explain a story. Errrr.... Well, I guess that IS my Testimony. And, yes, I am living it! 3/ Be Consistent Consistency shows the strength and true character of a person and their spirit. It's all good and well to say I'm 'gunna' do this, or I'm gunna do that. If you say it, stick to it! Bring that consistency into your lives and be the person you are. I know that we (Melodie and I) have been so consistent in our nightly prayers and scripture readings together, and that has brought us closer than any 'physical closeness' could bring us. We are able to take some of the strongest messages we have read, and interpret them by how we feel. This consistency, I know, will continue well into the future when we one day have a family of our own. I have day-dreamed at work recently about what that would be like. To sit, after dinner, around a table as a family, with our children, and to read a scripture and get all points of view- whether it be from a child, a teen, or as a parent. If my children learn nothing in a day at school, then I can have security in knowing that they will learn more from one scripture reading at night, than 8 hours at school (you know what I mean?). As everything does, to me, it comes down to one's own intentions. I could have gone into this journey and lied by saying I found my beliefs in order to make people happy. But, going into it with the wrong intentions would have led to me not continuing with this journey. I am consistent, and I have every intention of keeping it that way!! The two main concepts taken from this can be applied to each and every relationship, whether with our Heavenly Father, our spouse, family or friends. It's the concept of communication and love. =============================================
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf (Second Counselor in the First Presidency)
Love is the measure of our faith, the inspiration for our obedience, and the true altitude of our decipleship.
What we love determines what we seek.
What we seek determines what we think and do.
What we think and do determines what who we are.
I believe I have procrastinated in continuing this blog for a particular reason. Today was an extremely hot day. I used my time to head to my place of work (which was closed) but sat there in silence re reading what I had written during General Conference. I knew I was going to start writing again, so i started with where I had left off.
What do I love? I love my wife, Melodie.
What do I seek? An understanding of God, Jesus Christ, the ultimate sacrifice for man-kind and the one thing that Melodie holds dearer to her heart than me.
What do I think and do? I constantly think of the Church of Jesus Christ. The origins, then atonement, the resurrection of Christ. More to the point, I think about how I can better myself each and every day to become more Christ Like.
Who am I? I am the man who lost his way through adolescence. I am the man who is now making sure he is doing right by others. Family or stangers... I am a man who gets so disappointed in myself when I slip up. I am just a man.
Those three lines spoken by President Dieter are a very simple way to bring myself back to reality and to find out who I really am. What am I doing? Am I following the gospel as well as I can? Or am I already becoming complacent?
SO, what attributes brings us closer to God than another person?
Love in the Heart/Mind/Spirit:
First and foremost, the one attribute that will bring us closer to God is probably one of the most difficult to achieve. It is easy to say and easy to portray, but it is extremely difficult to sincerely love. It is easy to love an object, a smell a sound or a taste. We can identify these things to our feelings of love because of how we feel when we see, smell, taste a certain object.
However, President Dieter was not speaking of love for a particular meal, song or flower. Instead, it was love for Jesus. Love for God's Kingdom on Earth. Love for the gospel. Love for our family. Love for our friends. These are the things that test our true love. It is impossible for one to feel love for someone or something that does not create that inner feeling of peace and security. To have an attribute of Love in not only the Heart, but the Mind AND Spirit is an attribute that not every single person can have. I have peace and security knowing that the Love in my Heart, Mind and Spirit is true and sincere. Love for the Gospel, Love for the Church, Love for my Wife.
Love is what brought Melodie and I together. It created that friendship and that special bond. It gave us something that we could never experience with anybody else. Love bonds and repairs any slight disagreements or rifts that we have
A true deciple is one that keeps his or her word to the commandments:
Whether it's through the covenant made through Baptism, keeping your word to the commandments of living in a way of righteousness through the Words of Wisdom, it's important to not disregard any of these facets intentionally.
I think this is one attribut that I have taken on willingly, and have conciously made an effort to change my ways. I never intentionally broke commandments or Word of Wisdom in the past, but I wasn't necessarily aware of them at the time. I'm proud of the changes I have made recently to live a more pure lifestyle. Not only that, but to not feel any guilt about my life as I am not breaking the commandments- which are really just common society rules.
I have found myself to not worry about what the current music artists are doing with their lives, not too fussed about my sport heroes and what they're doing with themselves. But, I do find myself thinking of God, reading of God and talking to God. Wait... What are the first 2 commandments? ;)
There are too many people- yes, even withing Church of LDS- that intentionally break the commandments. Luckily, when it comes to the Church of LDS, I find that the members are much more aware of their actions and are more willing to repent and change their ways. Unfortunately, for those outside of the Church, they do not have that extra power pulling them back to the path of righteousness. It's sad to see people slip.
I know of at least one person who has said to me, "Mike, I am a Christian. I don't need to go to Church. I pray and I think I live my life pretty well."
This person was breaking commandments by not following the commandments to its fullest. I don't think that is a true image of decipleship. To say you believe in something, but to not follow through is a lie.
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Chapel, Harbord Ward
36 pages of notes
It scares me to think of what Melodie had said to me the week before last. "Pray for General Conference. Pray, and ask of what you want to be told". I did this for three nights straight as new things came to me. Throughout the 2 days of watching, I felt like General Conference had been put on for me, and me only
There was such a build up to this weekend from many different sources. Firstly, from my own curiosity and wanting to know what General Conference was about. Then, from the Missionaries from what they said during the lessons. Finally, from my Wife as she had watched half of it live the week before.
And, so it begins...
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DAY ONE
General Conference was to kick off at 1:15pm on Saturday 10th, October, 2009. I was keen to get there early as not only was Harbord going to be at the Chapel, but so too were Manly and Greenwhich Wards. I wanted to get a good seat, so that I could take it all in without any distractions. When I arrived, I saw Gabrielle, Chelsea's Husband cleaning the glass windows as the entrance. I said "G'day" to him, asked about Chelsea then had a quick look around. The time was about 12:55pm and there was NO ONE there. I used the next 10 or so minutes to help Gabe with the windows and what not.
The following ten minutes was used to find my seat, get comfortable and say a prayer to kick off the session. As I finished off, I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to see Brother Mafoa there. We had a quick chat about the lesson earlier in the week and he gave me a quick insight of what to expect over the next two days.
People slowly started flowing through the doors, and, although they had set up chairs through the back of the Chapel and all the way through the hall, they were not needed for Saturday. Seemed to me that Saturday's session wasn't high up on the 'to do' list. Then again, families may have been watching it from home, together.
The Bishop of the Manly ward stood before us, welcomed us, and said a prayer.
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Introduction
Although I had had a sneaky peek at the Intro during the week on the internet, I was still eager to see the Conference Center in all its glory! The feelings I felt on Wednesday when I saw it still hit home strongly when I watched it again on Saturday. The shear size of the Center, the people that fill it and the music protruding from its tall pipes and number of mouths were something to gaze at it total awe.
If there were a manual on 'how to conduct a Conference' then, there's proof that the Mormons would have written it.
I can picture it as clear as day in my head. What stands out to me first and foremost is the peace within the Center. Yes, I say that a lot. But the peace is evidence in itself of the faith and belief that not only you guys hold, but so do I! The blue backdrop, the hundred (or more) pipes reaching for the sky, the Choir sitting and standing in sync and dressed in uniform. The flowers delicately placed throughout the Center. The men and women sitting whom looked of high importance. And, Finally, the mass crown that filled each and every seat, not only in the Center itself, but also our Chapel and Chapels around the World.
Henry Eyring was to conduct the first session and he gave a brief overview of the coming talks. John M. Madson (of the Seventy) had said the opening prayer. From that moment, I knew, from the emotion leaving his mouth that this was going to be an enlightening weekend.
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Thomas S. Monson (Opening)
We desire that as many members as possible have an opportunity to attend the temple without having to travel inordinate distances.
I have watched a view videos of Thomas S. Monson from lds.org and have recognized the sincerity and love of this man.
Watching him open the Conference, I felt the same. I could feel his sincerity as he stared down the camera upon the silent Chapel.
Some good information came from the President, such as the construction of new temples, 16 of which are under construction, along with another 5 to be built in the near future.
He also said that, due to the growth of the Church and the Temples themselves, 83% of LDS members live within 200 miles of a Temple. I'm no mathematician, but they're some decent numbers!
He then praised the work of the Missionaries around the World, and have thanks for their efforts, as well as welcoming new members and to ensure current members do the same, and to be-friend the new converts.
However, I know the member did not need to be told this. As a new (un-baptized) convert, I felt the friendships and warmth within the Church.
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Elder Richard Scott (of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles)
By careful practice, through the application of correct principles, and by being sensative to the feelings that come, you will gain spiritual guidance.
This man, for me, started off the session very well. He was direct, to the point, sincere, humble and emotional. You could feel the feelings he felt when he spoke.
He addressed the Conference with authority and self assurance which definitely helped in his favor considering the topic- TO ACQUIRE SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE.
Firstly, he was to speak to us of communication and how we can better ourselves. He mentioned that he, personally, does not leave his bed until he has bowed before the Lord. This simple method of communication seemed to be a mutual topic amongst all those who addressed the conference.
He later spoke of personal inspiration. The use of personal inspiration to seek our own answers, and to let our personal inspiration to guide us through tough decisions. What I took from this was that, and I am guilty of this too, though when people (not all) pray, they pray looking for answers. This is their first form of seeking an answer- to turn to the Lord.
I think of my younger days when I would have a difficult Maths question, or when I didn't understand a particular word. Without attempting to figure it out myself, I would go to my Mother of Father, Brother or Sister and ask them to explain it to me. Sometimes they would, however, in most cases they would guide me to another place where I could find the help needed to figure it out- such as a dictionary for a tough word. They would not give me the answer, but they gave me the answer to find the answer... If that makes sense?
Had they of just given the end answer whenever I asked for help, then I would not have learned a valuable lesson. This works in the same way with prayer and communication between us as beings and our Heavenly Father. To pray for an answer, and only an answer is weak, and it shows that we are too dependant on our Heavenly Father (Not to say we should not be dependent) but we should also be able to find that personal inspiration first.
INSPIRATION ------------------> POWER
Everything happens for a reason, and we are guided by the Spirit of the Holy Ghost.Elder Scott went on with his talk and came to something which made my ears prick up just a little. It was something I had been thinking of all week. Intention. As you know, during the priesthood meeting last week at Church, we went through giving a blessing for health. Two guys were demonstrating, as well as learning for themselves. Understandably, most things in the Church are said verbatim for a reason. However, if you look at a simple blessing, one person may say the words verbatim, but with no intent. On the other hand, another person may switch words and come out with the same meaning, but have a greater level of intent. Pure intent and sincerity is most important within the Church as well as our day-to-day lives in how we live, our profession and so on. Elder Scott gave an example of him visiting a Ward in Spain(?). The Bishop who was giving the lesson at the time struggled to convey the point from the book of which he was reading. However, when he took the book away, used his faith, sincerity and pure intention, he filled the room with the Spirit, and all was learned through that. Opposing that example was when he returned to his own Ward, the gentleman giving the lesson at the time, used the book and his knowledge to "show-off" his intelligence. He did not use it to teach or to inspire, but to put himself above the others. An excellent example of having no intent.
If I could think of an example in my life, it would be of myself and my Wife (As they usually are...) and our professions. Melodie is one who can show pure intent when she is doing what she is doing. Her professions, or her forte, is musical theater. To this day, I still get tingles down my spine when I watch her perform, because I can hear/see the happiness, joy and PURE INTENTION of what she is doing. Sure, she may come out after a show saying "I could have done better" but she has not once ever come out saying "I didn't give it my all". On the other hand, put her in a retail store, or behind a desk, and you'll never hear the end of the complaints. not only that, but her 'service' to others won't be as high as if she were servicing them with her voice from a stage, because there is no real intent behind it.
I am the same in the sense that, when I am personal training someone or a group, I will literally give it my all. All of my enthusiasm and excitement is driven into that one person for an hour, AND I LOVE IT! Better yet, the people around me can see that I love it because I show my pure intent. Put me behind a desk, on a telephone, and I will sit there with the same mono-tone voice saying the same thing to customers with no enthusiasm and no intent.
"You can find guidance when you least expect it"- A statement made not only by Elder Scott, but by so many people I have encountered within the Church. This is what I used to mistake as being purely coincidental, or, luck. When something out of the ordinary, or something good happened to me, I would look at it as being of good luck, or being in the right place, at the right time. I never acknowledged the higher powers that would guide me from a far. One thing leading to another, which led to another. In order to recognize and acknowledge the powers from above, you need to have a clear mind. As Elder Scott had said, "Strong emotions can block the Spirit". Hatred on the mind, or despise in the heart can deter the YOU AWAY FROM THE SPIRIT. The Spirit will never leave your side, but you can leave the spirit. I do, still, have my moments of depression, or general anger. These are things that I try to control, but considering the circumstances, I find it very difficult. However, after time has passed, I sit, and I recollect my thoughts and I think of how good everything is. How well my health is, as well as that of my family and friends. How good it is to be loved by my Wife, and how good it is to return that love. How good it is to believe. It is only a matter of time until I can control my emotions, befriend the spirit and accept the guidance, even when I least expect it. (Do I ramble???...... Nahhhhh)
One temptation that Elder Scott spoke of was pornography. The most DAMNING tool of the devil. Being a male that has entered and passed puberty, I can say that yes, I have viewed pornography. However, after having Elder Richard Scott stare me in the eyes, and tell of the damage it has done to the Temple and to the Spirit of those in the viewings, or the damage that has occurred to my own Spirit and that of Melodie's, I can safely say that that is a thing of the past. Only 3 nights ago, I learned the 10 commandments. "Thou shalt not watch pornography" was NOT one of those things. I guess the 10 commandments is more of an "umbrella" over all the other rules, and sins, that are really there.
In regards to addiction (Not just for pornography), he gave some advice such as finding a quiet place and PRAY!
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Vicki Matsumori (Second Counselor in the Primary Presidency)
We can help others become more familiar with the promptings of the Spirit when we share our testimony of the influence of the Holy Ghost in our lives.
If I could think of an example in my life, it would be of myself and my Wife (As they usually are...) and our professions. Melodie is one who can show pure intent when she is doing what she is doing. Her professions, or her forte, is musical theater. To this day, I still get tingles down my spine when I watch her perform, because I can hear/see the happiness, joy and PURE INTENTION of what she is doing. Sure, she may come out after a show saying "I could have done better" but she has not once ever come out saying "I didn't give it my all". On the other hand, put her in a retail store, or behind a desk, and you'll never hear the end of the complaints. not only that, but her 'service' to others won't be as high as if she were servicing them with her voice from a stage, because there is no real intent behind it.
I am the same in the sense that, when I am personal training someone or a group, I will literally give it my all. All of my enthusiasm and excitement is driven into that one person for an hour, AND I LOVE IT! Better yet, the people around me can see that I love it because I show my pure intent. Put me behind a desk, on a telephone, and I will sit there with the same mono-tone voice saying the same thing to customers with no enthusiasm and no intent.
"You can find guidance when you least expect it"- A statement made not only by Elder Scott, but by so many people I have encountered within the Church. This is what I used to mistake as being purely coincidental, or, luck. When something out of the ordinary, or something good happened to me, I would look at it as being of good luck, or being in the right place, at the right time. I never acknowledged the higher powers that would guide me from a far. One thing leading to another, which led to another. In order to recognize and acknowledge the powers from above, you need to have a clear mind. As Elder Scott had said, "Strong emotions can block the Spirit". Hatred on the mind, or despise in the heart can deter the YOU AWAY FROM THE SPIRIT. The Spirit will never leave your side, but you can leave the spirit. I do, still, have my moments of depression, or general anger. These are things that I try to control, but considering the circumstances, I find it very difficult. However, after time has passed, I sit, and I recollect my thoughts and I think of how good everything is. How well my health is, as well as that of my family and friends. How good it is to be loved by my Wife, and how good it is to return that love. How good it is to believe. It is only a matter of time until I can control my emotions, befriend the spirit and accept the guidance, even when I least expect it. (Do I ramble???...... Nahhhhh)
One temptation that Elder Scott spoke of was pornography. The most DAMNING tool of the devil. Being a male that has entered and passed puberty, I can say that yes, I have viewed pornography. However, after having Elder Richard Scott stare me in the eyes, and tell of the damage it has done to the Temple and to the Spirit of those in the viewings, or the damage that has occurred to my own Spirit and that of Melodie's, I can safely say that that is a thing of the past. Only 3 nights ago, I learned the 10 commandments. "Thou shalt not watch pornography" was NOT one of those things. I guess the 10 commandments is more of an "umbrella" over all the other rules, and sins, that are really there.
In regards to addiction (Not just for pornography), he gave some advice such as finding a quiet place and PRAY!
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Vicki Matsumori (Second Counselor in the Primary Presidency)
We can help others become more familiar with the promptings of the Spirit when we share our testimony of the influence of the Holy Ghost in our lives.
Vicki Matsumori explains her feelings and her experiences with the Baptism and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost. As an 8-year-old, she was the first of her family to join the Church. She expected to feel a lot more when brought up out of the water, but only felt 'dripping wet'. She said that it wasn't until the next day, while hearing of a man's testimony, that she felt "A flood of warmth overcome me". I too have felt that warmth from listening to people's own testimonies, whether it be from an elderly lady, a young man, or a very young girl. As people share their beliefs with me and their testimonies, I hang off the end of each and every syllable.
This got me thinking. I know I was Baptized into another Church at a young age, and I'm yet to 'convert' officially. In the notebook I took to G.C. I wrote:
I feel a lot of happiness, joy and peace day-to-day. Is that the Holy Spirit inviting itself to me? Or, have I already invited it into my heart?
Tough questions to answer, but the only way to know is to enter through the Gate and receive the gift through Baptism. That way, I'll know what I have received and what I have.
Vicki also explained surrounding yourself with the right Environment to let the Spirit flourish. I believe I have done a 'job well-done' in regards to this. My environment has changed dramatically in the past few weeks where, previously, I would feel nothing walking into ANY Church. Now, I cannot get enough of the place, nor can I get enough of the members and what they have to say.
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Elder L. Whitney Clayton (of the Seventy)
Burdens provide opportunities to practice virtues and contribute to eventual perfection.
I feel that I am at a stage in my life (ALREADY!) where burdens are slowly creeping up and attaching themselves to me without me knowing. Each one that attaches itself slowly keeps me back from being my true self, and living how I believe life should be lived.
To know that Elder Clayton would be talking on a topic that I prayed about was quite scary, but, so very exciting!
He began his talk with the emotional, as well as the physical burdens that are placed on us in today's modern World. They can be worrisome, oppressive, and exhausting. The three sources, generally, of where burdens come from are:
1/ The World in which we live (disease and illness, natural disasters, death)
2/ Imposed by others (addiction, abuse, crime, gossip)
3/ Through our own ways of Sin (remorse and pain- disobeying and failing the Commandments)
The burdens, as Elder Clayton so delicately put it, come from the plan of our Heavenly Father to allow us to grow and progress through our unique experiences that prepares us to return to him. The burdens we experience are rarely life-long burdens. Many that come from the main three sources are short-term in regards to the length of our lives here on Earth. We need to be able to "Carry burdens well, no matter how long they last". Whether they be physical, financial or spiritual, we grow from dealing with these burdens and overcoming them with our own personal inspiration, as well as help and guidance from our Heavenly Father.
However, life-long burdens can be a blessing in disguise. "Work is a continual burden, but, a continual blessing". Not only do we have something active to do during our days, not only are we earning a living to keep clothes on our back, food on the table and a roof over our heads, but, we are also constantly learning each day we go to work.
A physical life-long burden, for example, can also be a blessing, as it has the power to allow an individual with a life-long physical burden to overcome it and grow beyond our own imagination.
At first, it was difficult to see, and still is at times- the burden of being separated from the one I love so much. God, Heavenly Father, how could you let this happen? Why would you split us so soon after our marriage?
Had Melodie and I not have physically separated, then I could not say with 100% certainty that I would have embarked upon this journey. If I had not have embarked upon this journey, then I would never have grown as much as I have in the past weeks. And, I would not have released my Spiritual Potential.
God guided Melodie and I to the decision we made. We didn't base this decision on religion, or beliefs, but God knew that this would happen... (Secretly, I think Mel knew too).
Yes, separation is a burden, more than any other burden I have encountered in my life, whether it be through my family, through finances, or anything else. However, I have had the pleasure and help from my loving Wife to help bare that burden. And thats what it comes down to. Helping each other with burdens so that the final outcome, when all burdens are minimized, is a strong, loving relationship between husband and wife and Heavenly Father.
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Brother Russell T. Osguthorpe (President of Sunday School)
We teach key doctrine, invite learners to do the work God has for them, and then promise that blessings will surely come.
I didn't get much out of this talk QUANTITY wise, instead, I got the quality
To teach the gospel is to save lives/spirits.
When I first decided to embark on this Spiritual Journey, I asked for the help of a friend, Paul, to teach me a bit of what he knows. He was kind enough to give up his time, as well as another guy Isaac, to come around and share with me their beliefs, their thoughts and what the Church stood for.
What I found helped a lot was that it was 3 guys, of similar age, sitting around, eating pizza and sharing experiences. They came to my home without their Bibles, without their formal dress and they spoke to me as mates.
Brother Osguthorpe quoted something said by President Monson:
"The goal of Gospel teaching . . . is not to pour information into the minds of class members . . . The aim is to inspire the individual to think about, feel about, and then do something about living gospel principles" (1970 Oct G.C.)
Isaac and Paul had hit the nail on the head. They had intrigued me, and inspired me. They did not read verse after verse of meaningless balony. Instead, I took the inspiration and read that balony with myself and with Melodie. I soon came to realize that it was not balony. In fact, they held some of the most deepest messages I had ever read.
All teachers are messengers from God.
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Elder David Bednar (Quorum of the Twelve Apostles)
We can become more diligent and concerned at home as we are more faithful in learning, living, and loving the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.
My favorite speaker in terms of bringing in some light-hearted humor to the emotional conference. He definitely did not lose the focus and concentration of those who were laughing. Diligence and Concern in the home was most definitely a topic of which I had been hoping would be talked about. Now, I didn't necessarily pray for 'Diligence and Concern', in fact, I didn't even know what Elder Bednar would be speaking of exactly when the topic came up.
1/ Express Love And Show It
Elder Bednar begun with an amusing story of a particular man, baring his testimony in his Ward. This man spoke of his beliefs, and faith. At the end of his testimony, he took a quick moment to express his Love for his Wife. This was shared in front of his Wife, his children, the Bishop, members of the Ward as well as the visitors. Some would think this was sweet and brave. However, Elder Bednar brought up this story because this particular man didn't express these feelings at home- in the privacy of the family- which is the most important place to express it.
Not only is it to be within the privacy of a home, or within the intimacy of a couple, but it is to be sincere and frequent. When does the time come that saying "I love you" becomes a bad thing? Never! I never get tired of hearing how much I am loved. And, I know that I do get a bit anxious when I do not hear it enough. It can seem a bit repetitive and monotonous for the person saying it. For example, someone might say it so often that they feel the words 'I love you' are losing their effect. Thus, sincerity plays a large part. If someone was to tell me they loved me on the hour, every hour for a year, it would not bore nor tire me, unless it was said without sincerity. Say it, mean it, show it. Never assume that you know how the other one feels, because as I learned from a friend of mine- "When you 'assume', you make an ASS of YOU n ME"
I know and I believe (and I hope I have some back up), that I am one that will not let a day pass without telling my soulmate how much love I have for her. I know, that she knows that I love her. I know that. But if I don't say it on one day, then I have lost out on that day to express my love.
2/ Bare Testimony and Live It
A Testimony is something that still confuses me to this day. I know that through a testimony, you are testifying your beliefs and faith. That makes sense to me. And, that everyone who begins, and continues, a journey such as this will have a Testimony, positive or negative. Mine is only just starting out, but I feel as though it is flourishing!
I have tried to bare my Testimony with those around me (not forceful- but what I have learned and what I believe). In the beginning, people were a little hesitant due to their beliefs/faith/religion, but I have found them to open up a little more and hear of my journey. To see what I have learned and how I have changed<------- That word is what leads me to the next part. Living your Testimony. I have changed so much in the past few weeks for the better, and I have done this through belief of the atonement, belief in Our Heavenly Father and Our Savior, Jesus Christ, belief in the Holy Ghost and belief in eternal life. These are just a few. But, because I no longer drink, does that make me a bad person? Because I no longer smoke, does that make me a bad person? Because I no longer swear (as much...) does that make me a bad person? No, of course not. Now, doing those things never made me a 'bad person' as such, but it wasn't who I am. It wasn't the kid I grew up as, and it wasn't what I was taught to be right. It was just sociable habit. I have refound my social skills, I guess you could say, through being able to socialise without a drink or cigarette in my hand, and without the need to swear to explain a story. Errrr.... Well, I guess that IS my Testimony. And, yes, I am living it! 3/ Be Consistent Consistency shows the strength and true character of a person and their spirit. It's all good and well to say I'm 'gunna' do this, or I'm gunna do that. If you say it, stick to it! Bring that consistency into your lives and be the person you are. I know that we (Melodie and I) have been so consistent in our nightly prayers and scripture readings together, and that has brought us closer than any 'physical closeness' could bring us. We are able to take some of the strongest messages we have read, and interpret them by how we feel. This consistency, I know, will continue well into the future when we one day have a family of our own. I have day-dreamed at work recently about what that would be like. To sit, after dinner, around a table as a family, with our children, and to read a scripture and get all points of view- whether it be from a child, a teen, or as a parent. If my children learn nothing in a day at school, then I can have security in knowing that they will learn more from one scripture reading at night, than 8 hours at school (you know what I mean?). As everything does, to me, it comes down to one's own intentions. I could have gone into this journey and lied by saying I found my beliefs in order to make people happy. But, going into it with the wrong intentions would have led to me not continuing with this journey. I am consistent, and I have every intention of keeping it that way!! The two main concepts taken from this can be applied to each and every relationship, whether with our Heavenly Father, our spouse, family or friends. It's the concept of communication and love. =============================================
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf (Second Counselor in the First Presidency)
Love is the measure of our faith, the inspiration for our obedience, and the true altitude of our decipleship.
What we love determines what we seek.
What we seek determines what we think and do.
What we think and do determines what who we are.
I believe I have procrastinated in continuing this blog for a particular reason. Today was an extremely hot day. I used my time to head to my place of work (which was closed) but sat there in silence re reading what I had written during General Conference. I knew I was going to start writing again, so i started with where I had left off.
What do I love? I love my wife, Melodie.
What do I seek? An understanding of God, Jesus Christ, the ultimate sacrifice for man-kind and the one thing that Melodie holds dearer to her heart than me.
What do I think and do? I constantly think of the Church of Jesus Christ. The origins, then atonement, the resurrection of Christ. More to the point, I think about how I can better myself each and every day to become more Christ Like.
Who am I? I am the man who lost his way through adolescence. I am the man who is now making sure he is doing right by others. Family or stangers... I am a man who gets so disappointed in myself when I slip up. I am just a man.
Those three lines spoken by President Dieter are a very simple way to bring myself back to reality and to find out who I really am. What am I doing? Am I following the gospel as well as I can? Or am I already becoming complacent?
SO, what attributes brings us closer to God than another person?
Love in the Heart/Mind/Spirit:
First and foremost, the one attribute that will bring us closer to God is probably one of the most difficult to achieve. It is easy to say and easy to portray, but it is extremely difficult to sincerely love. It is easy to love an object, a smell a sound or a taste. We can identify these things to our feelings of love because of how we feel when we see, smell, taste a certain object.
However, President Dieter was not speaking of love for a particular meal, song or flower. Instead, it was love for Jesus. Love for God's Kingdom on Earth. Love for the gospel. Love for our family. Love for our friends. These are the things that test our true love. It is impossible for one to feel love for someone or something that does not create that inner feeling of peace and security. To have an attribute of Love in not only the Heart, but the Mind AND Spirit is an attribute that not every single person can have. I have peace and security knowing that the Love in my Heart, Mind and Spirit is true and sincere. Love for the Gospel, Love for the Church, Love for my Wife.
Love is what brought Melodie and I together. It created that friendship and that special bond. It gave us something that we could never experience with anybody else. Love bonds and repairs any slight disagreements or rifts that we have
A true deciple is one that keeps his or her word to the commandments:
Whether it's through the covenant made through Baptism, keeping your word to the commandments of living in a way of righteousness through the Words of Wisdom, it's important to not disregard any of these facets intentionally.
I think this is one attribut that I have taken on willingly, and have conciously made an effort to change my ways. I never intentionally broke commandments or Word of Wisdom in the past, but I wasn't necessarily aware of them at the time. I'm proud of the changes I have made recently to live a more pure lifestyle. Not only that, but to not feel any guilt about my life as I am not breaking the commandments- which are really just common society rules.
I have found myself to not worry about what the current music artists are doing with their lives, not too fussed about my sport heroes and what they're doing with themselves. But, I do find myself thinking of God, reading of God and talking to God. Wait... What are the first 2 commandments? ;)
There are too many people- yes, even withing Church of LDS- that intentionally break the commandments. Luckily, when it comes to the Church of LDS, I find that the members are much more aware of their actions and are more willing to repent and change their ways. Unfortunately, for those outside of the Church, they do not have that extra power pulling them back to the path of righteousness. It's sad to see people slip.
I know of at least one person who has said to me, "Mike, I am a Christian. I don't need to go to Church. I pray and I think I live my life pretty well."
This person was breaking commandments by not following the commandments to its fullest. I don't think that is a true image of decipleship. To say you believe in something, but to not follow through is a lie.
=============================================
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Thursday Night with the Elders
So, once again, a lesson was scheduled with Elder Lord and Elder Modlik (No 'c').
Finally, I was to take my fruit from the 'Tree of Knowledge' and know what is right, and what is wrong. I mean, obviously, through maturity and different experiences we develop an understanding of what is right, and what is wrong. However, like most basic human-theories, there is always going to be that gray area- Not quite knowing where to draw the line with certain rules and so-on.
Society holds an abundance of laws relating to traffic, murder, treason and many more. The court systems throughout the World have proven to us that there are, in more cases than one, many gray areas.
Not only learning, but KNOWING the 10 simple commandments is a sure way to know the basic do's and don'ts... Obviously, it does not cover all rules and there are a lot of others that are to be learnt. Rules that don't seem so wrong by society, but once understood in a spiritual sense they make a lot of sense.
1. Do not have any other God's before our Heavenly Father.
2. Do not worship idols or statues.
3. Do not use the Lord's name in vain.
4. Remember the Sabbath day and keep it Holy.
5. Honor thy Father and thy Mother
6. Do not commit muder
7. Do not commit adultery
8. Do not steal.
9. Do not lie.
10. Do not covet possessions of other's.
Or, word for word from Exodus:
(Or, you can skip it...)
Exodus 20:2-17
2 I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery;
All in all, the Elders used a great method in order to remember it. I'm glad that Elder's around the World are able to teach others, like me, in a simple and effective way.
The commandments are promised to be kept by someone when they make a sacred covenant with the Lord through Baptism.
Punishment is expected if someone is to break a household or school rule or law of society. The same principle applies to the sacred Commandments set by the Lord. Only, the consequences of breaking the Commandments doesn't just affect your immediate or future life on Earth, but will affect your eternal life. Obviously, that is much more to contemplate than say, 3 months with no driving license for a traffic offense... So, these should be taken much more seriously.
It is also said that, when judgment day arrives and the Lord is to determine your eternal life, it is based on Law. Not Love. You can love the Lord, and have complete belief in him, but if you don't respect and obey the Commandments then your eternal life can be put into jeopardy.
Alternatively, if one obeys the Lord and his Commandments, then one can expect many blessings throughout their life.
Commandment number 4 talks of the Sabbath day, keeping it Holy and attending Sacrament to "renew" the covenant made with the Lord. It is said that no-one is perfect, and the covenant can and will be broken week in, week out- Hence, the importance of sacrament.
That said, I know that when I decide on a time to be Baptized, it will be a time when I am ready. I want to be ready to make that sacred covenant, and not rely on sacrament as a fall-back option for when I do break the covenant. Does that make sense?
When I proposed to Melodie for her hand in marriage, I knew I was ready because I was not willing to put our friendship and love in jeopardy for any temptations, be it violence, drugs or other women. I knew that I could make a promise to her that I could keep for a life time and eternity.
I want to be able to do the same with our Heavenly Father. To know with complete certainty that I am ready to make a promise for a life time and eternity.
Some people say to me, "Don't make out Baptism to be a huge deal." My response is, well, it is to me! And I think it should be. Yes, I believe and I have faith, but I don't need Baptism to prove that. I feel I need it to be able to prove that I can be "Christ Like"...
... Went off track a bit...
So, the Commandments seem like they can be easy to follow. I guess the most difficult would be to not use the Lord's name in vain- and if it means I have to re-teach myself about what words to use when I jar my finger in a car door, then so be it.
Other than that, keeping Sunday a Holy day may prove difficult, only because of my love for sport, and we all know all the big games just happen to fall on Sunday!! However, the easiest solution I found to that is to record it, and watch it the following day- problem solved.
Finally, wanting things that others have. It's human nature to want things that we cannot have, or to want things that friend's and family have. Although, the only thing I've ever really wanted is a family of my own. And, I have that, so too does Melodie.
Those three Commandments, to be, would have been the most difficult to overcome, but I think I already have.
Now, to put them into practice and to begin living my repented life!
The Elder's were able to read my journey thus far and it was good to share my blog with them the other night. They got a kick out of what I had written and it was awesome to see their reaction while they were reading it. To see them laugh, smile and even think about what I had written. I only wish I could see everyone's reactions!!!!!!!!
You want to read something interesting? Read tomorrow's blog after the second day of watching G.C.!!!
What can I say about the first day that won't give my emotions away so far... WOW!!!! Thats about it =)
Cya tomorrow!!!
Finally, I was to take my fruit from the 'Tree of Knowledge' and know what is right, and what is wrong. I mean, obviously, through maturity and different experiences we develop an understanding of what is right, and what is wrong. However, like most basic human-theories, there is always going to be that gray area- Not quite knowing where to draw the line with certain rules and so-on.
Society holds an abundance of laws relating to traffic, murder, treason and many more. The court systems throughout the World have proven to us that there are, in more cases than one, many gray areas.
Not only learning, but KNOWING the 10 simple commandments is a sure way to know the basic do's and don'ts... Obviously, it does not cover all rules and there are a lot of others that are to be learnt. Rules that don't seem so wrong by society, but once understood in a spiritual sense they make a lot of sense.
1. Do not have any other God's before our Heavenly Father.
2. Do not worship idols or statues.
3. Do not use the Lord's name in vain.
4. Remember the Sabbath day and keep it Holy.
5. Honor thy Father and thy Mother
6. Do not commit muder
7. Do not commit adultery
8. Do not steal.
9. Do not lie.
10. Do not covet possessions of other's.
Or, word for word from Exodus:
(Or, you can skip it...)
Exodus 20:2-17
2 I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery;
3 Do not have any other gods before me.
4 You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me,
6 but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments.
7 You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name.
8 Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy.
9 For six days you shall labour and do all your work.
10 But the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work—you, your son or your daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock, or the alien resident in your towns.
11 For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but rested the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and consecrated it.
12 Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
13 You shall not murder.
14 You shall not commit adultery.
15 You shall not steal.
16 You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
17 You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.All in all, the Elders used a great method in order to remember it. I'm glad that Elder's around the World are able to teach others, like me, in a simple and effective way.
The commandments are promised to be kept by someone when they make a sacred covenant with the Lord through Baptism.
Punishment is expected if someone is to break a household or school rule or law of society. The same principle applies to the sacred Commandments set by the Lord. Only, the consequences of breaking the Commandments doesn't just affect your immediate or future life on Earth, but will affect your eternal life. Obviously, that is much more to contemplate than say, 3 months with no driving license for a traffic offense... So, these should be taken much more seriously.
It is also said that, when judgment day arrives and the Lord is to determine your eternal life, it is based on Law. Not Love. You can love the Lord, and have complete belief in him, but if you don't respect and obey the Commandments then your eternal life can be put into jeopardy.
Alternatively, if one obeys the Lord and his Commandments, then one can expect many blessings throughout their life.
Commandment number 4 talks of the Sabbath day, keeping it Holy and attending Sacrament to "renew" the covenant made with the Lord. It is said that no-one is perfect, and the covenant can and will be broken week in, week out- Hence, the importance of sacrament.
That said, I know that when I decide on a time to be Baptized, it will be a time when I am ready. I want to be ready to make that sacred covenant, and not rely on sacrament as a fall-back option for when I do break the covenant. Does that make sense?
When I proposed to Melodie for her hand in marriage, I knew I was ready because I was not willing to put our friendship and love in jeopardy for any temptations, be it violence, drugs or other women. I knew that I could make a promise to her that I could keep for a life time and eternity.
I want to be able to do the same with our Heavenly Father. To know with complete certainty that I am ready to make a promise for a life time and eternity.
Some people say to me, "Don't make out Baptism to be a huge deal." My response is, well, it is to me! And I think it should be. Yes, I believe and I have faith, but I don't need Baptism to prove that. I feel I need it to be able to prove that I can be "Christ Like"...
... Went off track a bit...
So, the Commandments seem like they can be easy to follow. I guess the most difficult would be to not use the Lord's name in vain- and if it means I have to re-teach myself about what words to use when I jar my finger in a car door, then so be it.
Other than that, keeping Sunday a Holy day may prove difficult, only because of my love for sport, and we all know all the big games just happen to fall on Sunday!! However, the easiest solution I found to that is to record it, and watch it the following day- problem solved.
Finally, wanting things that others have. It's human nature to want things that we cannot have, or to want things that friend's and family have. Although, the only thing I've ever really wanted is a family of my own. And, I have that, so too does Melodie.
Those three Commandments, to be, would have been the most difficult to overcome, but I think I already have.
Now, to put them into practice and to begin living my repented life!
The Elder's were able to read my journey thus far and it was good to share my blog with them the other night. They got a kick out of what I had written and it was awesome to see their reaction while they were reading it. To see them laugh, smile and even think about what I had written. I only wish I could see everyone's reactions!!!!!!!!
You want to read something interesting? Read tomorrow's blog after the second day of watching G.C.!!!
What can I say about the first day that won't give my emotions away so far... WOW!!!! Thats about it =)
Cya tomorrow!!!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
signed. SEALED. delivered... I'M YOURS!
First up, the vows given to Melodie on our wedding day still stand, forever and eternity.
I had a meet up with the Elders tonight. They had called me earlier for a lift as the clouds were not looking good at all, and the only transport they had were bikes. Unfortunately, the car was FULL of junk from moving. I don't think I could even fit Mel's dog in there. However, I told them to call a cab and I would pay for their fare to and from Church. I also told them that if I saw them rock up to Church on their pushbikes, then I would get in my car and drive home. As I got into the car 2 minutes later, it started started sprinkling. 100yards down the road and I could NOT see the car in front of my. The weather had hit hard!! I stopped at the petrol(gas) station and got some money out and continued to the Church. I parked, and waited out the front door of the Church. As soon as I stopped walking, the rain ceased. I looked to the Heavens and saw nothing but blue sky. I knew I was on the right track there and then!
I had another meet up with the Elders tonight at the Church. Brother Mu'foa was in attendance as well. I had a fair idea of what the topic was on, but like other times, I always get out so much more than I expect.
It was based on life before and after death. Through my own reading, I knew where we came from, why we were here and where we are going. Though, during the personal study, I only picked up on the basics of all. I'm thankful to the missionaries that I have at my disposal, as well as missionaries around the World who are giving up 2 years of their lives to serve in the name of Jesus Christ, and to teach people who may, or may not be, willing to learn.
I could go through the story about pre-life and post-life, but that is something that will stick with me for so long, I don't think I will ever forget the feeling I felt when I thought of eternal life with my beloved. They went on to explain more in depth things such as the fork in the road being your 'laying to rest' place for your body, and where your spirit will go to. The 3 stages after death (Stars, Moon, Sun) and the benefits of each.
I guess it was refreshing to NOT be scared into being a good person. It was refreshing to know that our Heavenly Father does not judge as to whether or not one goes to Heaven or Hell, much like a true Mother or Father will always find it in their heart to forgive and to teach. I kind of see that as a Christmas gimmick for kids- you be good, you get presents. You be bad, you get coal. As we mature and become wiser, we know what really happens at Christmas (Thanks mum! Thanks dad!). But, I can't rely on my immediate parents for help after life. That is my responsibility, and mine over. Melodie, family or friends cannot influence my day-to-day to make the right decisions to lead me to where I want to go. Yes, they definitely have an input and can help in a way, but I am responsible for my own actions. I determine what my outcome is.
I have seen a few videos of the current President speaking, and whenever I listen to him (even without looking at him), I can hear his sincerity and passion in each word. When Brother Mu'foa spoke to me, I got the same feeling. This Man had such a belief, such faith that when he spoke to me, my jaw dropped and I had no control over what I did.
He spoke to me about his own marriage. He was marriage was taken place in the Temple, and this is the same time they were 'sealed'.
I can't go on from here because it hit me so hard that I may need some time to process. To take in the happiness of whats to come.
I had a meet up with the Elders tonight. They had called me earlier for a lift as the clouds were not looking good at all, and the only transport they had were bikes. Unfortunately, the car was FULL of junk from moving. I don't think I could even fit Mel's dog in there. However, I told them to call a cab and I would pay for their fare to and from Church. I also told them that if I saw them rock up to Church on their pushbikes, then I would get in my car and drive home. As I got into the car 2 minutes later, it started started sprinkling. 100yards down the road and I could NOT see the car in front of my. The weather had hit hard!! I stopped at the petrol(gas) station and got some money out and continued to the Church. I parked, and waited out the front door of the Church. As soon as I stopped walking, the rain ceased. I looked to the Heavens and saw nothing but blue sky. I knew I was on the right track there and then!
I had another meet up with the Elders tonight at the Church. Brother Mu'foa was in attendance as well. I had a fair idea of what the topic was on, but like other times, I always get out so much more than I expect.
It was based on life before and after death. Through my own reading, I knew where we came from, why we were here and where we are going. Though, during the personal study, I only picked up on the basics of all. I'm thankful to the missionaries that I have at my disposal, as well as missionaries around the World who are giving up 2 years of their lives to serve in the name of Jesus Christ, and to teach people who may, or may not be, willing to learn.
I could go through the story about pre-life and post-life, but that is something that will stick with me for so long, I don't think I will ever forget the feeling I felt when I thought of eternal life with my beloved. They went on to explain more in depth things such as the fork in the road being your 'laying to rest' place for your body, and where your spirit will go to. The 3 stages after death (Stars, Moon, Sun) and the benefits of each.
I guess it was refreshing to NOT be scared into being a good person. It was refreshing to know that our Heavenly Father does not judge as to whether or not one goes to Heaven or Hell, much like a true Mother or Father will always find it in their heart to forgive and to teach. I kind of see that as a Christmas gimmick for kids- you be good, you get presents. You be bad, you get coal. As we mature and become wiser, we know what really happens at Christmas (Thanks mum! Thanks dad!). But, I can't rely on my immediate parents for help after life. That is my responsibility, and mine over. Melodie, family or friends cannot influence my day-to-day to make the right decisions to lead me to where I want to go. Yes, they definitely have an input and can help in a way, but I am responsible for my own actions. I determine what my outcome is.
I have seen a few videos of the current President speaking, and whenever I listen to him (even without looking at him), I can hear his sincerity and passion in each word. When Brother Mu'foa spoke to me, I got the same feeling. This Man had such a belief, such faith that when he spoke to me, my jaw dropped and I had no control over what I did.
He spoke to me about his own marriage. He was marriage was taken place in the Temple, and this is the same time they were 'sealed'.
I can't go on from here because it hit me so hard that I may need some time to process. To take in the happiness of whats to come.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
I'm baaaack
My belief is such that, I don't have the temptation for temptations. Thankfully, I can feel the change internally and externally and I know that from this point on, I will be a different person for it.
Before taking this journey, I had decided to stop drinking, to stop smoking and not to touch any kind of drug unless it was absolutely medically necessary. Because of the lifestyle I had been subjected to through family, friends and work functions, I was still having alcohol here and there, and even after quitting smoking cold turkey would still have one here and there as well. Not only was I lying to the people I love, but I was lying and cheating to myself.
I am so happy to say that I am a non-drinker and a non-smoker. As much as I wanted to quit smoking, I was addicted, and we all know that breaking an addiction is a very hard thing to achieve, especially if/when it becomes a normal habit as well.
When giving-up something, such as smoking, people will tend to find something else to replace it with. Normally, in terms of smoking, the new habit for people usually becomes eating junk. I am lucky enough to be at a time in my life to regain my belief and also take on another 'drug'. I have become addicted to the Church. I have found myself to be restless and agitated if I don't get my 'hit' of Church. The difference between my drug, and other illegal substances used as drugs is that, I haven't and will not lose anything. On the contrary, I will gain so much in the long run, as I have already experienced. And I'm so happy to feel the addiction and to feed it as much as possible.
I talk mainly of smoking, because drinking was never an addiction for me. It was more of a social activity and I wouldn't normally drink unless I was out with family or friends. On the other hand, I would light up a cigarette at home if I was doing nothing with my time. I always knew that doing both of them was never 'me'. It didn't suit me and it didn't suit the lifestyle I wanted to live.
It has been SO easy to give it up completely because, I don't want to ruin my chances of extending my life to eternity at the expense of a useless, tasteless, costly addiction. If anyone asks me HOW I did it, I will share with them the truth. Look to God for help, and he will!
So I had my first full day of Church today. It was great to hear everyone's testimonies and it made me think of my own and how I can see it building. Not building gradually, but building at such a rate that I don't know what will be added in the next 5 minutes. From the day I decided to take an understanding, to the day I read my first scripture. From taking lessons from Elders, and discussions with Melodie. Praying to god and attending Church. I will be proud of myself when the day comes that I can build the courage to stand up there in front of the ward, in front of any ward, and share my testimony.
Afterwards, I attended Fundamentals with two other "Newbies" and a couple of members who stayed around anyway. It was taken by Elder Lord and Elder Modlick, and the topic was based on our reason for being here on Earth. It begun with readings from the Bible in relation to Adam and Eve. The perfect life they lived and the simple rules that were given to them by God in order to Govern. *HOLD THAT THOUGHT*
Question: I just had this thought, and was thinking in regards to sinning and whatnot. Adam and Eve lived in the Garden of Eden, the most perfect place ever known. A comandment set by God was to not eat the forbidden fruit. Obviously, they were banished from the Garden for disobeying God and his rules. But had there of not been a rule set in stone, then no sin would have been committed. Does this make sense? I guess I'm missing a part of the story, there must be a reason as to why they couldn't eat that fruit. Anyone care to explain?
Back to the Fundamental class... We watched a video as well. It had a good point to it. It was about a man- an average man (Lets call him Joe)- who was finding it tough to make ends meet. He owed money to someone in particular and couldn't meet the payment. Instead, he took out a loan from a creditor and signed particular terms set down by the creditor. Joe was happy with what he had done as he had been able to pay off his initial debt and found that the due date fr the current debt was still some time away. Joe was working hard and paying of his debt gradually, but he faced temptations along the way which he took. Namely, it was giving up on his responsibilities of work and to pay of debts, to go out and have fun with friends.
The day came when his debts were due, and he was not able to pay them in full. His assets were seized and he was imprisoned at the request of his creditor. Joe pleaded with the creditor for mercy, however, the creditor did not budge.
Fortunately, another creditor came to his aid and paid of Joe's debts for him and had set out new, achievable terms for Joe to abide by.
There were a lot of messages to take from this short video:
1/ Firstly, Joe needed help, and he recognised that. Instead of arranging an agreement with the person he was in debt to, he borrowed money as a 'quick fix'. There are no quick fixes when it comes to finances, losing weight or finding faith. All things are achievable if you're willing to put in a bit of elbow grease and hard work and make things work.
2/ Furthermore, people with beliefs and faith, we are already in debt. We are in debt to our creditor (Our Heavenly Father) who gave his son for the greatest sacrifice for all man-kind. The terms set by the Heavenly Father were simple. "Be like me". Live life full of purpose. This request is not so difficult, so long as you have that level of faith in order to resist the temptations and peer-pressure around us. Immediately, we have shown our weaknesses for giving in and being the complete opposite to the Heavenly Father.
3/ Had I of watched this video 3 weeks ago, not knowing what I know now, I would have thought very differently about it all. I would have seen the creditors as greedy and picking on the 'little guy'. But, the creditor was there to help, and Joe had agreed to the terms. He was not forced into them. Because Joe had failed to meet his payments and could not pay the debt on the due day, then, the creditor was out of pocket. This to me, isn't justice. And, although Joe pleaded for mercy, he had no case to present for it was his own actions that had decided the outcome.
I am no longer faced with temptations because, that of which we class as temptation, I don't see as temptation. What I see as temptation now, is God, Jesus, the gospel and eternal life. Are they not tempting? Yes, they are! And, with all my strength, I purposely give into them to accept them all into my life and into my heart.
Finally, we had the Priesthood meeting. One man taught of Ordinance (spelling?)- giving blessings to those who are sick. It was interesting, but not much to take away. It was just good to be sitting there in a smaller group getting to know other's and see how the session would work.
What I DID think about was, what you say Vs. Intent. Two guys were role playing the blessing given for sickness and they didn't know the words verbatim. I thought about my prayers and how 'confusing' they sound in my head. Jumping from one topic to another, and back again. Yes, the words are not always so clear, but I'm sure it's the intent that is more important. People cn pray, and get the words 100% correct, but fail in the intentions of prayer. I find that though I'm still learning, I know I'm praying with sincere intent.
I didn't want today to end.
Before taking this journey, I had decided to stop drinking, to stop smoking and not to touch any kind of drug unless it was absolutely medically necessary. Because of the lifestyle I had been subjected to through family, friends and work functions, I was still having alcohol here and there, and even after quitting smoking cold turkey would still have one here and there as well. Not only was I lying to the people I love, but I was lying and cheating to myself.
I am so happy to say that I am a non-drinker and a non-smoker. As much as I wanted to quit smoking, I was addicted, and we all know that breaking an addiction is a very hard thing to achieve, especially if/when it becomes a normal habit as well.
When giving-up something, such as smoking, people will tend to find something else to replace it with. Normally, in terms of smoking, the new habit for people usually becomes eating junk. I am lucky enough to be at a time in my life to regain my belief and also take on another 'drug'. I have become addicted to the Church. I have found myself to be restless and agitated if I don't get my 'hit' of Church. The difference between my drug, and other illegal substances used as drugs is that, I haven't and will not lose anything. On the contrary, I will gain so much in the long run, as I have already experienced. And I'm so happy to feel the addiction and to feed it as much as possible.
I talk mainly of smoking, because drinking was never an addiction for me. It was more of a social activity and I wouldn't normally drink unless I was out with family or friends. On the other hand, I would light up a cigarette at home if I was doing nothing with my time. I always knew that doing both of them was never 'me'. It didn't suit me and it didn't suit the lifestyle I wanted to live.
It has been SO easy to give it up completely because, I don't want to ruin my chances of extending my life to eternity at the expense of a useless, tasteless, costly addiction. If anyone asks me HOW I did it, I will share with them the truth. Look to God for help, and he will!
So I had my first full day of Church today. It was great to hear everyone's testimonies and it made me think of my own and how I can see it building. Not building gradually, but building at such a rate that I don't know what will be added in the next 5 minutes. From the day I decided to take an understanding, to the day I read my first scripture. From taking lessons from Elders, and discussions with Melodie. Praying to god and attending Church. I will be proud of myself when the day comes that I can build the courage to stand up there in front of the ward, in front of any ward, and share my testimony.
Afterwards, I attended Fundamentals with two other "Newbies" and a couple of members who stayed around anyway. It was taken by Elder Lord and Elder Modlick, and the topic was based on our reason for being here on Earth. It begun with readings from the Bible in relation to Adam and Eve. The perfect life they lived and the simple rules that were given to them by God in order to Govern. *HOLD THAT THOUGHT*
Question: I just had this thought, and was thinking in regards to sinning and whatnot. Adam and Eve lived in the Garden of Eden, the most perfect place ever known. A comandment set by God was to not eat the forbidden fruit. Obviously, they were banished from the Garden for disobeying God and his rules. But had there of not been a rule set in stone, then no sin would have been committed. Does this make sense? I guess I'm missing a part of the story, there must be a reason as to why they couldn't eat that fruit. Anyone care to explain?
Back to the Fundamental class... We watched a video as well. It had a good point to it. It was about a man- an average man (Lets call him Joe)- who was finding it tough to make ends meet. He owed money to someone in particular and couldn't meet the payment. Instead, he took out a loan from a creditor and signed particular terms set down by the creditor. Joe was happy with what he had done as he had been able to pay off his initial debt and found that the due date fr the current debt was still some time away. Joe was working hard and paying of his debt gradually, but he faced temptations along the way which he took. Namely, it was giving up on his responsibilities of work and to pay of debts, to go out and have fun with friends.
The day came when his debts were due, and he was not able to pay them in full. His assets were seized and he was imprisoned at the request of his creditor. Joe pleaded with the creditor for mercy, however, the creditor did not budge.
Fortunately, another creditor came to his aid and paid of Joe's debts for him and had set out new, achievable terms for Joe to abide by.
There were a lot of messages to take from this short video:
1/ Firstly, Joe needed help, and he recognised that. Instead of arranging an agreement with the person he was in debt to, he borrowed money as a 'quick fix'. There are no quick fixes when it comes to finances, losing weight or finding faith. All things are achievable if you're willing to put in a bit of elbow grease and hard work and make things work.
2/ Furthermore, people with beliefs and faith, we are already in debt. We are in debt to our creditor (Our Heavenly Father) who gave his son for the greatest sacrifice for all man-kind. The terms set by the Heavenly Father were simple. "Be like me". Live life full of purpose. This request is not so difficult, so long as you have that level of faith in order to resist the temptations and peer-pressure around us. Immediately, we have shown our weaknesses for giving in and being the complete opposite to the Heavenly Father.
3/ Had I of watched this video 3 weeks ago, not knowing what I know now, I would have thought very differently about it all. I would have seen the creditors as greedy and picking on the 'little guy'. But, the creditor was there to help, and Joe had agreed to the terms. He was not forced into them. Because Joe had failed to meet his payments and could not pay the debt on the due day, then, the creditor was out of pocket. This to me, isn't justice. And, although Joe pleaded for mercy, he had no case to present for it was his own actions that had decided the outcome.
I am no longer faced with temptations because, that of which we class as temptation, I don't see as temptation. What I see as temptation now, is God, Jesus, the gospel and eternal life. Are they not tempting? Yes, they are! And, with all my strength, I purposely give into them to accept them all into my life and into my heart.
Finally, we had the Priesthood meeting. One man taught of Ordinance (spelling?)- giving blessings to those who are sick. It was interesting, but not much to take away. It was just good to be sitting there in a smaller group getting to know other's and see how the session would work.
What I DID think about was, what you say Vs. Intent. Two guys were role playing the blessing given for sickness and they didn't know the words verbatim. I thought about my prayers and how 'confusing' they sound in my head. Jumping from one topic to another, and back again. Yes, the words are not always so clear, but I'm sure it's the intent that is more important. People cn pray, and get the words 100% correct, but fail in the intentions of prayer. I find that though I'm still learning, I know I'm praying with sincere intent.
I didn't want today to end.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
It's been a few days...
And I feel like I'm neglecting this blog. Rest assured, because of my absence over the last few days, is does NOT mean that I have taken a back seat =)
I shall have a lot more to add after last night, today and dinner with the Elders tonight!!
Check back tomorrow!
I shall have a lot more to add after last night, today and dinner with the Elders tonight!!
Check back tomorrow!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Probably the most spiritual day of my LIFE so far.
Well, my day started with readings of the 'Teachings' on the bus on the way to work this morning. I find it very calming to read something of this nature, rather than a fiction book. It really gets the mind working and waking up!
I haven't read this book for a few days, only because I have taken in so much over the past week, I needed time to process it, and to reflect on it.
While talking with Melodie during the day, I got the sense that she was a little worried towards my new-found 'hobby'. She was ecstatic and full of joy at how far I have come in such a short time, but she was also worried that people would try to sway me from the truth. At this point, having read what I have read, and knowing what I know, as well as NOT knowing what I CAN know, I can see this journey taking a life-time... Literally.
What I mean, is that no matter what someone says, or what signs point me AWAY from LDS, I know that I have more to find out and to explore. Melodie knows well that when I want to do something, I'm not going to give up without a fight. I guess that's the stubbornness in me.
After speaking with Mel about this particular topic, I took into account what she had said. Obviously, she is one who has been on this journey for a much, much longer time than I have. I thought about it, and thought of what kind of objects could be thrown in my path. Or what could lead me away from living life by the gospel!?
I will be honest and say that there aren't many I could think of off the top of my head. Already, I see that God's power is much stronger than Satan's as God, I believe, played a part in bringing me, and Melodie, together. Now, I would like to see Satan do better than THAT!
However, as I said, I took into account what Melodie was telling me, and decided the only way to know, was to ask. My lunchtime prayer was devoted to asking the question, "how do I know if I am being taken away from the path?" I wasn't expecting an answer, because I thought I already had it.
I got home to Manly at 5pm and was waiting for Mum to pick me up. She called to say she'd be a little late, so I took that opportunity to read more of the 'Teachings'. I put on my headphones, opened the book, listened and read chapter 4. About half way through the chapter, I saw what I was looking for.
Chapter 4, Page 62 - "The wisdom of the Lord is greater than the cunning of the devil"
As I read that sentence over and over again, I noticed exactly what it was. The discussion I had with Melodie earlier was a bit all over the place, but this is what I was trying to get across. In my head and, more importantly, in my heart, I know where I am heading. I am so intrigued, so enlightened by this journey that, not one single thing can prevent me from reaching what I want out of it. Yes, I do know what I want out of it, but that will come later in the blog.
So what I got out of this so far was, a simple talk with Melodie really got me thinking hard about the devil's work and how to avoid it. I asked a question during my prayer, and it was given to me that afternoon. If only all my questions were answered that quickly.
Moving on, I had an appointment with the Elders at the Church in Harbord. It was set for 6:30pm and they didn't give me many details about what was to happen. They told me it was a tour of the Church and a short DVD. I drove to the Church and got their right on 6:30. Elder Modlik and Elder Lord were there to greet me which was cool.
It was youth night (?) so there were a few kids around. I walked in to see Bishop Wolfgramm there too which was a total shock for me. He seemed really happy and excited to see me there. I wasn't sure if he'd even remember who I was, but he did make comments relating back to our wedding and did ask how Melodie was. Of course, I sinned and lied to the Bishop by saying "she's doing great!" (haha!).
The Bishop was kind enough to 'tag-along' and later stated that this was "much more important than looking after the kids", only because his right-hand man was there to look out for them. I took a lot out of his statement. He is a man who I have met on only a few occasions, but also had the pleasure of his services through marrying me and Melodie. I had never actually had a chat with him though and was extremely glad that he was there.
We began the tour in the hallway of the Church, where we discussed my experiences over the past week. I told them that Melodie and I had read Alma 34 and 32 in that order and they agreed that she had definitely made a wise choice. Having read and understood those chapters, I can see why they made that remark.
We went into the chapel itself and said a prayer together. We talked of the peace and calmness within this room and I shared the experience of those exact things that I felt on Sunday. We went to the front of the Church to the Sacrament table and they explained to me how it was the most important part of the Church. I was never really sure of what Sacrament really was. From my old days of trying to study religion, I thought it was sort of like paying respect to Jesus by eating the bread which symbolizes his body, and drinking wine which symbolizes his blood. The Elders explained to me that, throughout the week, sins are made. No body is perfect. But, Sacrament is a part of the week when you can re-ignite the covenant made with God at Baptism.
This in itself was confusing, because I wasn't sure how to take it. Baptism is the most cherished, and sacred of all processes within the Church as is my understanding and the Elders went on to tell me that EVERY single member of the Church will sin during the coarse of the week, therefore it's important to attend sacrament. But is it really impossible to go through life by not sinning? Thats what I want to know! Even to go through a month!?
Bishop brought up the fact that there is no cross displayed anywhere within the Church. I told him how I had learned that the hard way. When Melodie first came to Australia, we were getting ready for our first day at Church together. Now, I know this area preeettty well, so when Melodie said that the Church was on Harbord road, I knew exactly where it was. We jumped in a cab and headed for Church. Upon arriving at the Church I said "we're here!" and we jumped out. I could tell Mel had quite a confused, puzzled look on her face. I asked her what was wrong and she said "There's a cross on the building, thats strange". Meanwhile, I'm thinking to myself, 'Uh, yeah, what'd you expect?' Melodie then went on to explain that, as a LDS, they celebrate the LIFE of christ. Not the death. Therefore, there are no crosses. Haha, I thought I'd share that with you because I felt like a tool at that time. I'm just happy I know why NOW!
Anyway... We left the chapel, the most important room in the Church, and they took me to the SECOND most important room in the Church. Not telling me exactly what it was, I walked in and there was a glass screen on the wall to the left. Behind that glass wall was a set of stairs leading down to a tiled area. Immediately, I knew it was the room for Baptism. Not that you had to be a genious. It was practically and over-sized bath tub.
We spoke of the importance of Baptism and a picture depicting Jesus being Baptized by John the Baptist. We also spoke of what Baptism was all about. Being reborn into a life with minimal sin. Making a covenant, or a promise, with the Lord. And accepting the Holy Ghost into our lives. Bishop went on to explain that the Holy Ghost never leaves our side. Although, we may leave IT to go off into a World of sin, as everyone does at some point each week. But, it never leaves us. That brought almost an eerie feeling to me, but one of excitement nevertheless.
Elder Modlik brought in a TV and it was time to watch the DVD they had for me. It was called "The Restoration" and it was a short 20 minute DVD about Joseph, his childhood, his vision of the two personages as well as later in his life after translating the plates of Moroni.
It was a very straight forward DVD and, afterwards, Elder Lord asked me what I thought of it. I didn't want to be offensive, but I told him how I felt. I felt that the DVD was cinematic crap. I felt that reading the Book of Mormon, as well as the Teachings gave me a feeling like no other. I did appreciate the DVD as it is another way to view, or to learn, of the History. But I got much more out of reading, than I did of the DVD. The three people sitting beside me seemed to acknowledge and accept my answer for what it was- not offensive towards the efforts of showing the DVD, but 'committed' and truthful in the way that I had told them how I had felt.
Obviously, the Elders thought it were time to set a Baptism goal. What I thought this meant was setting goals to get to Baptism (Such as, attending Church, Praying, reading and so on...) when in actual fact, they wanted me to keep a date in mind to BE Baptized. This was not something I wanted to commit to, because I didn't feel the time would be right.
WARNING: WHAT COMES NEXT MAY SHOCK YOU.
I have thought about it over the past week and have reflected on what I have learned, and what still needs to be learned.
Just today, I could admit... No, exclaim, to Melodie that I DO believe in God, furthermore, which I did not add at the time, but I DO believe in the Book of Mormon, and that I DO believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. I DO believe that Joseph had a vision from the two personages and that he DID translate the Book of Mormon. Is this a book that he could have purely written by his own wits. No, I do not believe so.
I WANT to be Baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Was that a shock? Were you expecting that? My apologies if you were eating at the time, and choked a little as you gasped for air from disbelief.
To clarify, I want to be Baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, because, I do believe in the above mentioned.
Today has been a remarkable day for my journey. A prayer was answered. I could say I Believe in God. And, I can say with a sincere heart, and complete intent, that I want to be Baptized.
I haven't read this book for a few days, only because I have taken in so much over the past week, I needed time to process it, and to reflect on it.
While talking with Melodie during the day, I got the sense that she was a little worried towards my new-found 'hobby'. She was ecstatic and full of joy at how far I have come in such a short time, but she was also worried that people would try to sway me from the truth. At this point, having read what I have read, and knowing what I know, as well as NOT knowing what I CAN know, I can see this journey taking a life-time... Literally.
What I mean, is that no matter what someone says, or what signs point me AWAY from LDS, I know that I have more to find out and to explore. Melodie knows well that when I want to do something, I'm not going to give up without a fight. I guess that's the stubbornness in me.
After speaking with Mel about this particular topic, I took into account what she had said. Obviously, she is one who has been on this journey for a much, much longer time than I have. I thought about it, and thought of what kind of objects could be thrown in my path. Or what could lead me away from living life by the gospel!?
I will be honest and say that there aren't many I could think of off the top of my head. Already, I see that God's power is much stronger than Satan's as God, I believe, played a part in bringing me, and Melodie, together. Now, I would like to see Satan do better than THAT!
However, as I said, I took into account what Melodie was telling me, and decided the only way to know, was to ask. My lunchtime prayer was devoted to asking the question, "how do I know if I am being taken away from the path?" I wasn't expecting an answer, because I thought I already had it.
I got home to Manly at 5pm and was waiting for Mum to pick me up. She called to say she'd be a little late, so I took that opportunity to read more of the 'Teachings'. I put on my headphones, opened the book, listened and read chapter 4. About half way through the chapter, I saw what I was looking for.
Chapter 4, Page 62 - "The wisdom of the Lord is greater than the cunning of the devil"
As I read that sentence over and over again, I noticed exactly what it was. The discussion I had with Melodie earlier was a bit all over the place, but this is what I was trying to get across. In my head and, more importantly, in my heart, I know where I am heading. I am so intrigued, so enlightened by this journey that, not one single thing can prevent me from reaching what I want out of it. Yes, I do know what I want out of it, but that will come later in the blog.
So what I got out of this so far was, a simple talk with Melodie really got me thinking hard about the devil's work and how to avoid it. I asked a question during my prayer, and it was given to me that afternoon. If only all my questions were answered that quickly.
Moving on, I had an appointment with the Elders at the Church in Harbord. It was set for 6:30pm and they didn't give me many details about what was to happen. They told me it was a tour of the Church and a short DVD. I drove to the Church and got their right on 6:30. Elder Modlik and Elder Lord were there to greet me which was cool.
It was youth night (?) so there were a few kids around. I walked in to see Bishop Wolfgramm there too which was a total shock for me. He seemed really happy and excited to see me there. I wasn't sure if he'd even remember who I was, but he did make comments relating back to our wedding and did ask how Melodie was. Of course, I sinned and lied to the Bishop by saying "she's doing great!" (haha!).
The Bishop was kind enough to 'tag-along' and later stated that this was "much more important than looking after the kids", only because his right-hand man was there to look out for them. I took a lot out of his statement. He is a man who I have met on only a few occasions, but also had the pleasure of his services through marrying me and Melodie. I had never actually had a chat with him though and was extremely glad that he was there.
We began the tour in the hallway of the Church, where we discussed my experiences over the past week. I told them that Melodie and I had read Alma 34 and 32 in that order and they agreed that she had definitely made a wise choice. Having read and understood those chapters, I can see why they made that remark.
We went into the chapel itself and said a prayer together. We talked of the peace and calmness within this room and I shared the experience of those exact things that I felt on Sunday. We went to the front of the Church to the Sacrament table and they explained to me how it was the most important part of the Church. I was never really sure of what Sacrament really was. From my old days of trying to study religion, I thought it was sort of like paying respect to Jesus by eating the bread which symbolizes his body, and drinking wine which symbolizes his blood. The Elders explained to me that, throughout the week, sins are made. No body is perfect. But, Sacrament is a part of the week when you can re-ignite the covenant made with God at Baptism.
This in itself was confusing, because I wasn't sure how to take it. Baptism is the most cherished, and sacred of all processes within the Church as is my understanding and the Elders went on to tell me that EVERY single member of the Church will sin during the coarse of the week, therefore it's important to attend sacrament. But is it really impossible to go through life by not sinning? Thats what I want to know! Even to go through a month!?
Bishop brought up the fact that there is no cross displayed anywhere within the Church. I told him how I had learned that the hard way. When Melodie first came to Australia, we were getting ready for our first day at Church together. Now, I know this area preeettty well, so when Melodie said that the Church was on Harbord road, I knew exactly where it was. We jumped in a cab and headed for Church. Upon arriving at the Church I said "we're here!" and we jumped out. I could tell Mel had quite a confused, puzzled look on her face. I asked her what was wrong and she said "There's a cross on the building, thats strange". Meanwhile, I'm thinking to myself, 'Uh, yeah, what'd you expect?' Melodie then went on to explain that, as a LDS, they celebrate the LIFE of christ. Not the death. Therefore, there are no crosses. Haha, I thought I'd share that with you because I felt like a tool at that time. I'm just happy I know why NOW!
Anyway... We left the chapel, the most important room in the Church, and they took me to the SECOND most important room in the Church. Not telling me exactly what it was, I walked in and there was a glass screen on the wall to the left. Behind that glass wall was a set of stairs leading down to a tiled area. Immediately, I knew it was the room for Baptism. Not that you had to be a genious. It was practically and over-sized bath tub.
We spoke of the importance of Baptism and a picture depicting Jesus being Baptized by John the Baptist. We also spoke of what Baptism was all about. Being reborn into a life with minimal sin. Making a covenant, or a promise, with the Lord. And accepting the Holy Ghost into our lives. Bishop went on to explain that the Holy Ghost never leaves our side. Although, we may leave IT to go off into a World of sin, as everyone does at some point each week. But, it never leaves us. That brought almost an eerie feeling to me, but one of excitement nevertheless.
Elder Modlik brought in a TV and it was time to watch the DVD they had for me. It was called "The Restoration" and it was a short 20 minute DVD about Joseph, his childhood, his vision of the two personages as well as later in his life after translating the plates of Moroni.
It was a very straight forward DVD and, afterwards, Elder Lord asked me what I thought of it. I didn't want to be offensive, but I told him how I felt. I felt that the DVD was cinematic crap. I felt that reading the Book of Mormon, as well as the Teachings gave me a feeling like no other. I did appreciate the DVD as it is another way to view, or to learn, of the History. But I got much more out of reading, than I did of the DVD. The three people sitting beside me seemed to acknowledge and accept my answer for what it was- not offensive towards the efforts of showing the DVD, but 'committed' and truthful in the way that I had told them how I had felt.
Obviously, the Elders thought it were time to set a Baptism goal. What I thought this meant was setting goals to get to Baptism (Such as, attending Church, Praying, reading and so on...) when in actual fact, they wanted me to keep a date in mind to BE Baptized. This was not something I wanted to commit to, because I didn't feel the time would be right.
WARNING: WHAT COMES NEXT MAY SHOCK YOU.
I have thought about it over the past week and have reflected on what I have learned, and what still needs to be learned.
Just today, I could admit... No, exclaim, to Melodie that I DO believe in God, furthermore, which I did not add at the time, but I DO believe in the Book of Mormon, and that I DO believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. I DO believe that Joseph had a vision from the two personages and that he DID translate the Book of Mormon. Is this a book that he could have purely written by his own wits. No, I do not believe so.
I WANT to be Baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Was that a shock? Were you expecting that? My apologies if you were eating at the time, and choked a little as you gasped for air from disbelief.
To clarify, I want to be Baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, because, I do believe in the above mentioned.
Today has been a remarkable day for my journey. A prayer was answered. I could say I Believe in God. And, I can say with a sincere heart, and complete intent, that I want to be Baptized.
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